Last Relapse - Part III {Aoi & Kai)
Jul. 18th, 2014 04:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Title: Last Relapse
Chapter: Part III/III
Author:
bite_to_all136
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Slice of Life
Overall Warnings: Infidelity, Language, Smut
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Band(s): the GazettE
Pairings/Characters: Aoi & Kai, mentioned Ruki, Reita, Uruha
Summary: A decade old promise between friends reunites Yuu with the one person he’d been trying his hardest to forget.
Notes: A fill for the shattered dream/goal on the angst/fluff bingo card
krasivayadusha created for me :)
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, only the mediocre story line.
Previous Parts:(Part I)(Part II)
Part III
The moment they pulled up to the front of the hotel, Yuu was slammed with another vivid remembrance.
As a teen, his parents had always been accepting. By the time he was twelve, he was already partially out to them, telling them he was unsure; that he was confused as to how his body reacted sometimes. But by the time fifteen rolled around, he was completely certain of his sexuality, his parents accepting with an easy heart.
Yutaka’s parents on the other hand had viewed anything that was even slightly indifferent as sacrifice to the devil himself. He’d been absolutely terrified of his parents finding out his preference towards boys, it going left unsaid from the very beginning his relationship with Yuu had to be kept secret. Yutaka hadn’t wanted anyone to know aside from those in their close knit group of friends, not even Yuu’s parents, who would’ve welcomed him into their home with open arms. It’d been difficult, especially when their relationship had reached an all-time height of a physicality, the secrecy having forced them to find locations other than their own homes to be intimate with one other in – the hotel looming before them having been their own personal little slice of heaven.
The car stopped completely, the tumbling sounds of the ignition slowly fading out. Yuu’s body stiffened.
This was real. This was going to happen.
The very thoughts sent him into a frenzy; heart jumping up in his throat and nearly choking, only able to step out of the car due to Yutaka coming around to his side, opening the door, and kindly grabbing his hand. The brunette directed him through the vacant aisles, Yuu’s gaze remaining focused only on their clasped together hands and the box crammed under Yutaka’s arm. Led up a flight of steps and down the alley to the door numbered 207, Yuu had to smile. Of course it was 207; 207 was their room.
A gust of freeze hit them as soon as they entered, Yuu knowing it was always Yutaka’s first task to turn the air down to the lowest degree possible whenever they’d booked a room together in the past. Every time Yuu had asked him why he was so insistent on freezing them out, Yutaka had simply giggled, claiming he liked the cold. It only took a few tumbles in the sheets in the icy room for him to realize Yutaka’s actions actually carried an underlying meaning; the brunette using the cold to continuously snuggle up to Yuu and steal whatever bit of body warmth he had to offer.
“Do you want something to drink?” Yutaka asked. Setting the box down on the small table, he crossed the room and opened the mini fridge, grabbing two of the mini bottles of vodka. Yuu sat on the edge of the bed, feeling the mattress shift and slosh under his weight, keeping himself distracted as he scanned the room and realized nothing had changed. “Here,” Yutaka was back in front of him, handing him a bottle and sitting next to him so that their sides were touching. Yuu fidgeted, opening his bottle and downing a little more than half of it in one gulp.
They both sat there for a while in silence, taking sips of the strong liquor until their bottles completely emptied. Yuu could feel Yutaka’s body heat radiate all around them and it drove him near delirious. He was expecting things to start back up right where they left them back at the grassy area of the school, for their lips to be glued together, bodies grinding, all allowing him to fill the emptiness he felt. But instead, here they were, brushing skin over skin with innocence, not advancing. He was beginning to think that maybe he was wrong. That maybe Yutaka had truly changed completely, that digging into their past had only brought to the surface the boy who he once was for a few hours, that now the Yutaka he cared about so deeply was gone, locked away forever in a tiny cage within.
He was trying to think of an excuse to up and leave, feeling foolish for ever believing the rulers of this cruel world would allow him even a tiny section of light into his life that was surrounded in nothing but darkness. He opened his mouth, getting ready to form words still unknown, but then he found the brunette looking up and smiling at him, stilling when he felt lips on his cheek.
“You’re nervous…” Yutaka chuckled, landing a hand on Yuu’s thigh, causing him to stop breathing. He hadn’t realized how close they truly were until he felt Yutaka’s tongue flick across the shell of his ear with each new syllable. He went to respond, but was cut off abruptly when Yutaka’s hand slid up his thigh, inching closer to his cock that, by this point, was beginning to get affected by the most minuscule of touches. He gasped as lips grazed his neck, a butterfly touch that was almost nonexistent.
“You’re married…” Yuu muttered, lids turning heavy and vision fading. Because no matter how much he wanted this, that little fact wouldn’t leave him be. His own life had already been destroyed, he didn’t want to be the cause of someone else’s downfall, especially Yutaka’s.
Soft hair brushed across his neck, those smooth lips again making a ghostly appearance before a full kiss was planted against the strong vein there, Yuu sure his blood was boiling so fast it could be felt through the firm touch. The hand on his cock began less subtle movements, the material of his slacks scratchy against Yutaka’s hand. Then, simultaneously, Yutaka nipped at his neck and pressed his hand down fully, dragging a ragged groan from Yuu’s throat as he was pushed back onto the cool bed and his waist was straddled; their miniature bottles now laying forgotten on the floor.
Yutaka’s hands were resting above his head, trying to level out the bed’s rapid movements, their faces close and lips brushing. Pure lust radiated in those deep eyes of Yutaka’s, a look Yuu had become accustomed to in the past. Their lips lightly connected before Yutaka tilted his head and broke contact, quietly whispering, “I’m only married back home. Here…I’m all yours.”
Those words were all it took.
Yuu released any hesitance, hands coming to a rest on Yutaka’s hips as their lips crashed together and they kissed deeply. Their movements were frantic, arousal constantly building as their hardening erections grinded heatedly, Yutaka moaning into the kiss. Yuu’s fingers danced up and down that trim waist, hands eventually gliding up under light fabric and caressing toned stomach. He traced every line there, impressed with the brunette’s new attributes. Gliding his hands to the back, he dipped beneath the waistline of Yutaka’s jeans and allowed his hands to grab onto mounds of firm flesh, smiling into the kiss as he realized Yutaka’s tendency to not wear boxers still hadn’t changed. He began to massage, pulling Yutaka closer against him as they continued to grind; their kiss becoming more desperate and needy as time went on.
The heat was becoming almost unbearable, their bodies writhing together with total lack of control. Lewdly they were sucking each other’s tongues, a game a pull and tug, each attempting to become the victor. Yuu was trying hard to keep himself under control, feeling Yutaka so hard and needy against him almost able to bring him to orgasm alone. It was good. Too good. A pleasure he hadn’t felt since the last time they’d been together, and when he felt Yutaka nibble on his tongue and bring wandering fingers down to his erect nipples, he couldn’t help but gasp and thrust his hips up, knocking Yutaka’s unbalanced body off to the side of him.
Still on his back, Yuu lay sweaty and panting, the water floating in waves beneath help keeping him from exploding. Yutaka was curled against his side, a mess of limbs thrown over Yuu and his face buried deep in his neck, able to feel bouts of hot breaths against his damp neck. Yuu could feel Yutaka’s heart beating against his arm, the rhythm just as strong as his own. He felt like he’d just run a marathon, and the only way to extinguish his thirst was to keep his body, hands, and mouth attached to Yutaka at all times. Which is why he didn’t bother to wait for his breathing to calm before he was dipping his head and finding Yutaka’s lips, the kiss barely beginning before he felt hands pushing against his chest, begging him to stop.
“Yuu…” the way Yutaka called his name sent a jolt of panic down spine. Yutaka looked radiant at the moment, lips a rosy red and swollen, eyes hooded with lust, and all before it even truly began, Yuu feared he was losing him.
“…we’re not teenagers anymore.” Yuu was eyeing the brunette, now his time to silently plead. Yutaka wouldn’t be so cruel as to take everything away from him when they’ve come so close, he just couldn’t. But then he remembered Yutaka had disappeared after a life promised together and already he could feel his heart shattering – Yutaka had come to realize everything he was about to do was a mistake. Yuu could feel himself falling apart under his stare, unable to move.
But then Yutaka lifted from the crook of his neck and came face to face with him. His handsome features turned amused and he chuckled to himself, allowing all of Yuu’s worries to vanish. “I don’t know about you, but my back can’t handle a damn water bed anymore,” he flicked the mattress and Yuu could hear the water waver beneath them before he broke into a rowdy fit himself. “Can we move things to the floor?” Yuu nodded his head, relieved. Preparing to sit up and cup Yutaka’s cheek so he could give him another peck before they repositioned themselves, but the moment his head lifted off the mattress Yutaka laced his arms around his neck and twisted their entangled bodies hard, ending with them both crashing down onto the floor with a hard thud; Yutaka still atop his body.
Yuu was shocked, entire body thrumming in pain. He went to ask Yutaka what the hell that was all about, only to be interrupted, the brunette’s mouth right by his ear again, voice set in a teasing tone, “That’s payback for all those times you tackled me while playing hide and seek with the Nishikawa’s kids.”
It took him a moment to register Yutaka’s playful words. Having to dig through the millions of file folders that contained their past, as soon as he found what he was looking for, he laughed; the fiery arousal dying down momentarily at the recollection.
The Nishikawa’s were one of the many families they’d co-babysat for, Yuu having always felt like a little kid again when in the presence of their twin toddlers. One of the boys had taken more of a liking to him, while the other one clung to Yutaka, that bout of favoritism ending up in prank war after prank war. Yutaka and Yuu had constantly tried to show off for the twin of their liking, so when Yuu had been told to tackle Yutaka and run, he had.
His smile died down when he felt hands curl against his shirt, being redirected to those deep doe eyes, Yutaka looking him over with a gaze Yuu couldn’t even begin to describe. He felt like Yutaka was looking past him, deep into his soul and becoming one, and all he could do was lift his hand and tenderly cup the brunette’s face, feeling his movements as he bent forward, hovering their lips only centimeters apart.
“What happened to us?” a soft, broken question.
Yuu smiled sadly, running his thumb over the apple of Yutaka’s cheek, the brunette tilting his head so the entire side of his face rested in Yuu’s palm. “…life…” he answered, their lips slowly reconnecting.
It was painfully slow, their mouths refusing to break as they familiarized themselves with the languid kisses they were more used to. Lips smacking together, swallowing each other’s jagged breaths and whimpers. It was a pattern they could be lulled to sleep by.
Yutaka urged Yuu to sit up, fumbling fingers unbuttoning and sliding his shirt down strong shoulders, leaving pale skin exposed and to his doing. Yuu did the same, hands again massaging over Yutaka’s abdomen before forcing their kiss to break as he bundled the shirt in his grasp and tossed it over the brunette’s head. For the short time their lips were apart, they made up for it, mouths crashing together like magnets the moment lust drove them to the brink of destruction, their strong need shining in the way they looked at one another.
Yuu’s hands retraced the route he once knew on Yutaka’s back, starting at the shoulder blades and moving down, feeling every scar, every minor deformity, allowing images of how Yutaka attained each and every one to dance across his mind.
He groaned when Yutaka’s hips picked up movement, reawakening the lustrous bond that had faded over the last few minutes. Hands resting on the dip of the brunette’s back, he encouraged him to move, squeezing gently his waist and thrusting up every time Yutaka grated against him. Their movements became faster, harder. Their moans growing louder and stronger. And Yuu almost lost it all when Yutaka leaned down and took a nipple into his mouth, sucking and nipping.
His hands played in Yutaka’s hair messily, pressing the brunette closer as his mouth fell open in a silent scream. Sweat was forming on every inch of their bodies. Every touch. Every graze. Slowly killing them each.
Yuu would fall into delirium if he didn’t soon feel Yutaka in every way possible, so he forced the brunette to rise his head and crushed their lips back together, hands going to work on Yutaka’s belt and zipper clue for Yutaka to do the same. They kissed with chaos; lips, tongues, and teeth all messily working together as they blindly undressed each other. It took a bit of moving around, but finally they were both naked, their heated movements once more paused as each set of eyes roamed up and down sculpted body, neither able to look away. Yutaka’s hair was messy, waves frizzy and going off in every which direction. His chest was moving fast, lips wet and swollen. That image, combined with the heavy erection that stood strenuously against his flat stomach, awoke a hunger in Yuu he didn’t think possible…
He felt he had the control of a wild beast when he shot up off the floor. The way he wrapped his hands in Yutaka’s fuss of locks, the way he pulled Yutaka down on top of him and crashed their mouths together with a bruising force. Their cocks touched, the cloth barrier no longer there making eyes roll into the back of their heads with pleasure. Kissing wasn’t enough anymore and in seconds Yuu had their positions flipped. Yutaka sprawled out underneath him, awaiting with some amount of mischief in his eyes.
Yutaka’s heavy breaths, the way his mouth was debauched with physical evidence of their affair; it turned Yuu possessive. He knew their time would come to an end, knew that whatever went on right at this moment would be locked away in these four walls for eternity, just as the rest of their relationship was. Their first time together, prom night, even one of their Christmas Eve celebrations – it all started here, it would all end here. Even so, that possessive streak refused to die down, and before he could stop himself, Yuu had Yutaka’s arms pinned above his head, his teeth biting roughly into the brunette’s skin, leaving his mark for all to see; leaving evidence that his had indeed been real.
Yutaka’s scream quickly turned into one of pleasure, Yuu’s mouth working the skin apologetically as their cocks resumed their dance, wet tips grazing over each other and Yutaka’s nails raking down his back, sure to leave marks of his own. Yuu’s lips began sucking up Yutaka’s throat, traveling his jawline, peppering kisses everywhere. Yutaka thrust up hard, still leaving marks all over pale skin and dragging out a hiss from Yuu, forcing their lips back together to give them that much needed connection.
They were worked up, neither about to last much longer. Yuu’s fingers finally traveled down and wrapped around Yutaka’s cock, both men growling heatedly at the sudden touch. Yutaka was the first man Yuu ever touched – he was also the last. Girls have come and gone easily, but he could never bring himself to touch another male, because he knew it would never be the same. So to feel this again, to have his hand run over hard flesh that wasn’t his own, to feel the pulsating pressure begging to be released and have Yutaka writhing and whimpering beneath him, grateful for the intoxicating touch. It all just aroused him even more, bringing that tinkering heat to the surface, ready to wash away.
“Fuck, Yuu…stop,” Yutaka pleaded through gasps, but Yuu didn’t listen. His hand curled harder around Yutaka, squeezing and stroking at all different intervals, keeping him on edge with the unknown. He didn’t even care about his own cock right now straining swollen and painfully hard against his stomach, the head turning near purple from being left untouched. All he wanted was to feel Yutaka come undone underneath him, watch his every movement, how his face would scrunch. How he’d throw his head back and release one of the sexiest screams Yuu has ever heard, how his one orgasm held more intensity than five other men combined.
He kept stroking, feeling Yutaka’s legs wrap around his waist, watching his teeth dig into his lip and bring blood to the surface. Even untouched, Yuu felt like he was experiencing everything Yutaka was, mouth falling open in awe, those nails digging into his back feeling nearly numb at this point.
When Yutaka suddenly arched off the floor and plastered their lips together, Yuu nearly collapsed. Hand still pumping Yutaka even as spurts of come drizzled over his hand, their sweaty bodies melded together; Yutaka’s scream muffled against his lips sending an automatic twitch to his engorged erection.
Their chests beat in a unison panic as their bodies laid splayed about. Yuu felt exhausted, his raging arousal trapped between his and Yutaka’s body, the pressure painfully good. The state he’d fallen into watching Yutaka lose himself beneath him swiped him of almost all energy, the emotional connection he’d felt to the brunette in that moment something he’d been deprived of for far too long. He couldn’t bring himself to move, holding onto Yutaka for dear life. So when he felt Yutaka’s legs tighten around his waist and arms around his neck, he was shot with a jolt of shock, their bodies suddenly repositioned to their original starting point with Yutaka straddling his waist.
The sudden change left them both completely breathless; Yutaka having used every bit of energy left after such an heightened release to maneuver them around, Yuu having sucked in a deep breath and held it in the moment his back collided with the floor; the scratch marks Yutaka had provided him with burning. Their mouths were close and Yutaka pinned Yuu with an accusing look, beginning to rub his hands up and down his glistening torso. Yuu knew exactly what Yutaka was silently telling him; he was pissed. Yuu hadn’t listened to him, he hadn’t stopped, and now there would be consequences. It was a side to Yutaka he’d seen less than a handful of times, almost certain the brunette wasn’t even aware when this bout of raw feral took over.
Seeing Yutaka in such a state had always thrilled Yuu for reasons unexplainable and now he was almost certain he’d gone against what Yutaka had said just to get him this way. He needed this more than anything, feeling Yutaka slide down his body, planting bruising kisses all along the way, biting flesh and pinning him down with his energy alone, taking him into his mouth until every inch was coated in complete warmth; Yuu becoming dizzy.
Fingers clenched into the carpet and his toes curled. Guttural sounds foreign to both set of ears followed the lewd slurping noises Yutaka was producing, Yuu’s body entirely stiff as hands roughly rubbed his thighs. “Yu-yutak….a-” he felt he was choking on each syllable, being able to call out that very name while lost in such unhinged pleasure, being touched the only way he’d desired to be for so many years. It was too much. Yuu didn’t even feel like a person anymore, he was a puppet. Every time Yutaka pursed his lips around his cock and sucked harder, every time the brunette hollowed his cheeks and bobbed his head and used his tongue to tease every inch of him; it controlled every one of Yuu’s movements, forever under Yutaka’s control.
When they were together, when they were apart. It just didn’t matter. Yutaka would always pilot every thought and action Yuu devised. He’d crawled under his skin and tattooed himself into his bloodstream, leaving Yuu to await his commands.
Trying to force Yutaka away from him was lethal, because Yuu had become accustomed, and now…it was the only way he knew how to live.
He groaned when Yutaka pulled off him, his coated length hitting the crisp cool air sending his body a blaze. Lips worked fiercely up his thighs, to his hip bones, and he was certain there wasn’t going to be one inch of his body not bruised in the morning.
“Do you have anything?” Yutaka’s voice was a whisper against his ear, Yuu unsure of when he’d even closed the distance and put them face to face. Hands were still searching his body, brushing over smooth skin, lips dancing tantalizingly against his neck, jaw, and chest.
“N-no…” Yuu stumbled over his words, the pleasure Yutaka providing him with too distracting.
“Do you trust me?” balmy breaths across his lips, Yuu barely able to open his eyes and utter his question, spying Yutaka’s determined face hovering right above him.
“W-what?” Yutaka was still peppering kisses all over his body, a hand sneaking down and beginning to swirl patterns right by his groin, sending Yuu arching off the floor, desperate for some proper contact.
“I haven’t been with anyone except my wife in five years…I trust you, do you trust me?” No, Yuu didn’t trust him. There was no way he could, not after everything Yutaka had done to him. But, he needed this.
It took every nerve his body contained, but eventually he enabled himself to nod his head, deciding to hand over the reins and follow Yutaka’s actions.
He watched with heavy eyes as Yutaka licked a trail up his hand, moaned when he felt that slick hand curl around his length and give a few pumps; nearly screamed when Yutaka took no time and impaled himself on his cock. Their hips collided and Yutaka gasped heatedly into his neck, his erratic breaths labored, expressing his current pain for taking Yuu with next to no preparation.
“F-fuck…it hurts.” Flat against his chest, entire body tensed, hands tugging on ebony hair to fight off some of the pain. All of this was too familiar to Yuu. The whispered words, near panic in a usually determined voice. It was their first visit to this very room all over again. Yuu inexperienced, unknowing what to do. Yutaka trying to mask his pain, wanting this more than anything, afraid Yuu would stop if he knew how much he was actually hurting.
It was either Yutaka’s tolerance for pain had built over the years or he was just as desperate as he was back then to connect with Yuu in such an intimate way. Either way, Yuu knew he had to do something to ease the tension the brunette was radiating; his body wrapped so tight around him driving Yuu mad.
He found himself re-enacting this very moment from over a decade ago, rubbing hands down a shaking back, brushing back strands of sweaty locks, pressing light kisses to a warm neck. Doing his best to sooth, to calm Yutaka down and let him know the pain would pass. That this would eventually all be worth it.
A good solid ten minutes passed before Yutaka finally lifted himself from the crook of his neck, breaths having leveled out. Their stares met, remnants of tears still dancing behind pools of mocha, and Yuu pushed himself up on his elbows. Raising a hand and cupping a heated cheek, repeating his actions from the night he had Yutaka in this very same way, titling his head and kissing him with passion.
They kissed long and soft, each second they were connected still total disbelief in Yuu’s eyes. It was a moment he could relive forever, feeling Yutaka so warm and willing sending jolts of pleasure down his spine. And the moment the brunette’s hips finally moved, the moment Yuu felt those wall surrounding him strengthen their tight hold, he broke the kiss and gasped, the weak support his elbows had been offering collapsing and sending him to lay back straight.
Trembling hands came to lay in his chest, Yutaka’s fingers overlapping each other and pushing himself up, eyes closed in a painful decadence, the patterned movement of up and down on Yuu’s erection eventually becoming easier; both men growling in delight as the pace sped up and the raw pleasure kicked in.
Yutaka kept a constant speed, the combination of the make shift lube and Yuu’s precome making his movements slicker by the moment, pleasure taking over the pain. Their eyes heavy with hazy lust remained staring at each other the entire time, Yutaka gasping and falling forward the moment Yuu began snapping his hips up, meeting everything the brunette was giving to him with equal force. They were panting, Yutaka riding Yuu so hard that the elder’s back began sliding on the carpet; the feeling burning yet sensational. Yuu’s knees bent and his hands grabbed hold on Yutaka’s hips, throwing his head back and muttering his name as Yutaka continued to slam down on his erection, walls purposefully clenching hard, trying to bring them both to that land of euphoria.
The muscles in Yuu’s thighs were clenching, stomach rampart in heat, back stinging from the scratches and flesh burns. He was about to combust.
Allowing feral instincts to take over, Yuu shot up off the ground, chest smacking together with Yutaka’s own. Yutaka let out a gasp, lidded eyes staring at Yuu and swollen lips remaining open. Yuu was quick to smash their matching ruddy in color mouths together, arms wrapping around Yutaka’s trim waist, beginning to drill into him from their newfound position.
His thrusts were hard, fast, erratic. Yutaka was moaning, he was whimpering, and letting his nails dig their way into Yuu’s back again, needing to hold on tight at Yuu fucked him deep, hitting that special bundle of nerves each and every time with their new angle.
“F-fuck, Yuu…please, touch me…”
Yuu did as demanded, wrapping his hand around Yutaka’s cock, using precome to make his motions slicker. He stroked and thrust, twisting his hand and hips, turning Yutaka into a complete mess in his lap.
He watched. He watched as Yutaka’s body lost all its strength, he watched as his breaths became more jagged and his face buried itself into Yuu’s neck. But more important than watching, Yuu felt that hitch of breath, that moment Yutaka completely stopped breathing, as his orgasm washed over him; only letting out a scream and fast breaths the moment his release began to coat Yuu’s stomach and hand.
Having Yutaka so spent in his lap. Having his warm come splattered all over his body; Yuu was only able to thrust a few minutes longer, kissing Yutaka chaotically as he came.
Covered in come, sweat, and tears, both men collapsed back fully on the ground, breathing evening out as they stared at each other. Their hair of different tones mixed together, the tips of their fingers brushed together, lips moved on lips slowly. It was such a peaceful moment after a night full of heavy emotions and an intense session of fucking, and Yuu found himself beginning to pass out quickly, his mind only being reawaken when he felt Yutaka’s warm body press against him, a whisper in his ear.
“Yuu…you know I’ve never stopped loving you, right?”
Yuu’s vision was fading out, Yutaka’s honey like voice sweet and warm, allowing him flashes of their past. Yutaka in his arms, smiling and giggling. Yutaka kissing him, trying to help him escape the pain of losing his grandfather. Yutaka standing in his room, begging with tears in his eyes for Yuu to just hold him, to never forget him; the last time he’d ever seen him.
With those visions playing in his head, Yuu placed his chin in Yutaka’s brunette mop, kissing his temple tenderly. “I know…neither have I.”
“And you know that no matter what happens, I’ll never stop loving you…”
Yuu’s hands wrapped in Yutaka’s hair, knowing what those words meant. He had to clench his eyes shut, fighting back apparent tears. Chest heavy and stomach in knots, he pulled Yutaka closer, whispering another broken ‘I know’; both men falling to sleep soon after.
When Yuu woke up just a few hours later, the sun was just beginning to peak out from under the clouds through a slit in the curtains. It was freezing, the room was quiet, and without even bothering to get up and look, Yuu knew he was alone. No matter how hard he tried to imagine the sound of the squeaky faucet running a warm shower, or even try and listen for the low grumbling of the single cup coffee maker; he knew he was alone. His and Yutaka’s small exchange of words last night had been a warning; I love you, but we can’t do this.
Expecting to wake up with Yutaka plastered to his side and snoring lightly had all been false hope on Yuu’s part. He’d tried to prepare himself in his sleep for the blow he was going to be faced with upon waking up, but no matter how many times his inner self told him there was no way Yutaka would stick around to face him in the morning hour, he still couldn’t fight off that weight of disappointment he felt; that knowing bout of loneliness now back and consuming him at full force.
Sluggishly standing from the ground, every bone in his body snapped painfully, the icy cold air hitting the opened wounds on his back making teeth grind. He felt dirty and used, heading straight for the shower, applying the hottest setting, burning away the remorse from just those few hours ago.
Clothed and ready to go, beginning to head for the exit, something caught his attention. Their bottles had been cleaned up, bed properly fixed, and anything that was brought out of place put back in precise order; a classic sign Yutaka had actually stayed in this room. As a teen, he’d always reprimand Yuu, making him get up early whenever they stayed here, forcing him to help clean up. Because Yutaka was Yutaka; nice, sweet, and forever caring. He’d claimed that housekeeping already had enough to do, so he and Yuu could at least clean up after themselves and make their job easier.
The cleanliness, however, wasn’t what caught Yuu’s attention. It was the television.
The blue screen was showing, a piece of contrasting white paper taped to the glass screen. In big, bold print read the words, ‘PRESS PLAY’, followed by a few words underneath. Yuu was quick to grab the paper and remote, plopping himself down on the edge of the bed and scanning those few quickly jotted words.
Yuu,
We’ve gone through so much together…and after last night, I don’t think I can live without you in my life anymore. Please don’t be a stranger. Taka has my contact information and address. I really hope to hear from you, Yuu. I’ve missed you.
Yutaka
The paper scrunched in his hands, a fury taking over he hadn’t experienced since he’d first found out of Yutaka’s disappearance. That was it? After everything that had happened between them, that was all Yutaka had to say? The paper trembling in his hands was quickly morphed into a wadded ball, going flying across the room as Yuu threw it in anger.
Yutaka was his utopia, yet Yutaka was everything that was wrong with him. It was all one big contradiction; a truth he was mentally trying to turn fiction.
He wanted to hit something. He wanted to kick and punch until bone was popping through his knuckles and his feet were bruised. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, let out all those inner demons in one smooth shout. But instead, Yuu settled for heavy breathing, twisting his hands in his hair and burying himself in his knees, trying to hide even from himself his streaming tears.
It wasn’t fair.
Life wasn’t fair.
He hated it.
He just wanted to be happy. To live normally. To have a job that paid well and a loving family to come home to. He wanted what Yutaka had.
He wanted Yutaka.
It was all too confusing, too much, and Yuu knew the tears wouldn’t stop unless he had a distraction. Yanking the remote up from by his side, he did as the note instructed, blindly pressing play and falling back on the bed, simply waiting. Noises, maybe even flashes of the screen. Just anything that would clear his mind and allow him to begin his hike to the nearest bus station.
For a few moments, only the sloshing of water could be heard in his ears, the water the mattress contained moving steadily under his weight, bringing a relaxing calm. White noise, followed by the sounds of fumbling and warm laughter. Two distinct voices; one his own, the other Yutaka’s.
Yuu shot up ram rod straight, glistening eyes wide with disbelief. How could he have forgotten about this video? Yutaka had been so secretive about the item he was placing in their small time capsule when they were teens, and even ten years later, Yuu feels like he could slap himself. How had he’d not known? The moment he saw Yutaka sneak a tape into the tin box, he should’ve put two and two together…but, he hadn’t…
“Yuuu, this is so embarrassing! Please don’t make me do it!” Yutaka’s warm laughter radiated throughout the room, the teen standing at an angle in front of a camera, wearing a long, white button down t-shirt that came down to his knees.
“Awww, come on Yutaka. Are you going to deny the birthday boy his only wish?” Yuu’s quirky voice spoke up this time, his figure laying relaxed on the twin sized bed in his room, hands folded under his head as support and watching Yutaka squirm on the other side of the room. “You promised you’d do this, babe. Just for me, pleeeeease~?” A pout took over his full lips, his piercing reflecting off the bright lights in the room; pout turning into a full grin as Yutaka’s steady laughter again filled the four walls.
“Fine. But it’s only because I love you.” Yutaka pointed a finger Yuu’s way, trying to appear stern, but falling into another fit of giggles once more as Yuu blew a playful kiss in his direction.
Slowly, Yutaka stood straight, keeping his focus on Yuu as he began sliding each button on his shirt from their individual hole, a smirk crossing his lips as Yuu watched him intently. “You like what you see?” the brunette tried to remain serious, trying to seduce Yuu with his eyes alone as he flapped open the top part of his shirt, revealing his entire chest; pert nipples and all. But his attempts at seduction were completely destroyed as a smile curled on his lips, feeling absolutely ridiculous. It just wasn’t who Yutaka was.
“Hmmm, baby, you look so good. Why not come over here and show me what you can do?” Yuu’s words came out more natural, a husk to them indicating Yutaka was doing something right in turning him on. Hands rubbing up and down his clothed thighs in anticipation, tongue flicking out and moistening his lips.
Yutaka rolled his eyes, popping open more buttons as he crossed the room towards Yuu; purposefully swaying his hips with an exaggerated force, stopping right by the edge of the bed and staring at Yuu, the last button still intact. “Happy birthday, Yuu.” A whisper so sweet, Yuu swore he was in the heavens; Yutaka his own personal guardian angel.
The last button was pushed through its cotton barrier, Yutaka allowing Yuu to reach up and slide the thin shirt off his slant shoulders; leaving him completely naked. Yuu ran his hands down Yutaka’s body in near worship, stopping and wrapping his arms around the small of his boyfriend’s back. Kissing up his stomach until he reached right above his belly button, nuzzling his face into tan skin. “You’re so perfect, Yutaka…I can’t wait to start our lives together.”
Smiling tenderly, the brunette laced his fingers into Yuu’s hair, bending at the knees until they hit the mattress, thighs spread over the elder’s lap. “Together forever, right?”
Lips were pressed together, a kiss of passion exchanged. “Together forever, baby.”
Yuu couldn’t watch anymore. He knew full well what followed, and watching himself and Yutaka young and hopelessly infatuated with one another, making love so passionately and not afraid to shout it…he couldn’t handle it in his current frail state.
That day was like a permanent stamp in his memory. His parents had gone out of town, leaving him to celebrate his eighteenth birthday all alone. He’d been bummed about it for sure, but when Yutaka had strutted up to him during lunch time and told Yuu he’d doing anything to make him feel better about the situation, he couldn’t resist his suggestion of a small strip tease and an amateur sex tape.
However amateur they’d planned the tape to originally be, in the end, the camera wound up capturing one of the most ardent and intimate moments between them as a couple. They were vulnerable, their raw emotions worn completely on their sleeves. There wasn’t anything they could hide behind, it plain and simple that they were Yuu and Yutaka; two teens who loved each other more than some couples who spent an entirety together.
Yuu understood now. That was Yutaka’s reasoning for putting that tape into the box.
The part of himself Yutaka wanted to always remember, to never forget, had been Yuu. He wanted to prove that no matter what they went through, they’d always come out undefeated; that they’d truly be, together forever.
Everything coming crashing down on him like this made Yuu feel ill. He quickly stood, ejecting the tape and rushing out of the room. Dewy summer morning air slammed against his body, taking in shallow breaths while making his way down the stairs.
Hurrying to the bus stop, sitting at the bench and lowering his head between his knees; he tried to block everything out. He tried to force himself back into that numb state, to feel and hear nothing. But all around him was Yutaka’s gentle caress and addicting laughter. It was loud, echoing; taking over his world. The marks Yutaka had left him with last night humming to life at the very thought of him.
The tape was trembling in his hands, Yuu having to think long and hard to steady himself, and that’s when he realized; he couldn’t do as Yutaka asked of him. He couldn’t stay in contact with him.
Because unless he could have Yutaka all to himself as friend, lover, and partner for life; he couldn’t be around him at all.
It was just too painful. And Yuu had already dealt with enough pain throughout his life.
How long he sat there, he wasn’t quite sure. An hour. Maybe two. But when the bus finally rolled up, he’d been able to put himself back into that anesthetized chaos, stepping onto the bus and taking the far back corner seat. Staring forlornly out the window, watching the sakura tree; the starting point to this night’s downward spiral, slowly fade into the background.
Leaving behind his final memory of Yutaka, imprisoning himself in what once was; freezing their youthful together forever and making it last an eternity.
***
Author's Note: I UPDATED >:D It's almost 5am & I'm forcing myself to post this because IF I DON'T I'LL KEEP IT TO MYSELF FOREVER. I could clean it up...a lot...BUT NOPE. And as for the smut I'm sorry it sucks but HELL, I hate writing smut at this point. ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. well, not *really* it, but I'll explain more later. Bye for now~.
Chapter: Part III/III
Author:
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Slice of Life
Overall Warnings: Infidelity, Language, Smut
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Band(s): the GazettE
Pairings/Characters: Aoi & Kai, mentioned Ruki, Reita, Uruha
Summary: A decade old promise between friends reunites Yuu with the one person he’d been trying his hardest to forget.
Notes: A fill for the shattered dream/goal on the angst/fluff bingo card
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, only the mediocre story line.
Previous Parts:(Part I)(Part II)
The moment they pulled up to the front of the hotel, Yuu was slammed with another vivid remembrance.
As a teen, his parents had always been accepting. By the time he was twelve, he was already partially out to them, telling them he was unsure; that he was confused as to how his body reacted sometimes. But by the time fifteen rolled around, he was completely certain of his sexuality, his parents accepting with an easy heart.
Yutaka’s parents on the other hand had viewed anything that was even slightly indifferent as sacrifice to the devil himself. He’d been absolutely terrified of his parents finding out his preference towards boys, it going left unsaid from the very beginning his relationship with Yuu had to be kept secret. Yutaka hadn’t wanted anyone to know aside from those in their close knit group of friends, not even Yuu’s parents, who would’ve welcomed him into their home with open arms. It’d been difficult, especially when their relationship had reached an all-time height of a physicality, the secrecy having forced them to find locations other than their own homes to be intimate with one other in – the hotel looming before them having been their own personal little slice of heaven.
The car stopped completely, the tumbling sounds of the ignition slowly fading out. Yuu’s body stiffened.
This was real. This was going to happen.
The very thoughts sent him into a frenzy; heart jumping up in his throat and nearly choking, only able to step out of the car due to Yutaka coming around to his side, opening the door, and kindly grabbing his hand. The brunette directed him through the vacant aisles, Yuu’s gaze remaining focused only on their clasped together hands and the box crammed under Yutaka’s arm. Led up a flight of steps and down the alley to the door numbered 207, Yuu had to smile. Of course it was 207; 207 was their room.
A gust of freeze hit them as soon as they entered, Yuu knowing it was always Yutaka’s first task to turn the air down to the lowest degree possible whenever they’d booked a room together in the past. Every time Yuu had asked him why he was so insistent on freezing them out, Yutaka had simply giggled, claiming he liked the cold. It only took a few tumbles in the sheets in the icy room for him to realize Yutaka’s actions actually carried an underlying meaning; the brunette using the cold to continuously snuggle up to Yuu and steal whatever bit of body warmth he had to offer.
“Do you want something to drink?” Yutaka asked. Setting the box down on the small table, he crossed the room and opened the mini fridge, grabbing two of the mini bottles of vodka. Yuu sat on the edge of the bed, feeling the mattress shift and slosh under his weight, keeping himself distracted as he scanned the room and realized nothing had changed. “Here,” Yutaka was back in front of him, handing him a bottle and sitting next to him so that their sides were touching. Yuu fidgeted, opening his bottle and downing a little more than half of it in one gulp.
They both sat there for a while in silence, taking sips of the strong liquor until their bottles completely emptied. Yuu could feel Yutaka’s body heat radiate all around them and it drove him near delirious. He was expecting things to start back up right where they left them back at the grassy area of the school, for their lips to be glued together, bodies grinding, all allowing him to fill the emptiness he felt. But instead, here they were, brushing skin over skin with innocence, not advancing. He was beginning to think that maybe he was wrong. That maybe Yutaka had truly changed completely, that digging into their past had only brought to the surface the boy who he once was for a few hours, that now the Yutaka he cared about so deeply was gone, locked away forever in a tiny cage within.
He was trying to think of an excuse to up and leave, feeling foolish for ever believing the rulers of this cruel world would allow him even a tiny section of light into his life that was surrounded in nothing but darkness. He opened his mouth, getting ready to form words still unknown, but then he found the brunette looking up and smiling at him, stilling when he felt lips on his cheek.
“You’re nervous…” Yutaka chuckled, landing a hand on Yuu’s thigh, causing him to stop breathing. He hadn’t realized how close they truly were until he felt Yutaka’s tongue flick across the shell of his ear with each new syllable. He went to respond, but was cut off abruptly when Yutaka’s hand slid up his thigh, inching closer to his cock that, by this point, was beginning to get affected by the most minuscule of touches. He gasped as lips grazed his neck, a butterfly touch that was almost nonexistent.
“You’re married…” Yuu muttered, lids turning heavy and vision fading. Because no matter how much he wanted this, that little fact wouldn’t leave him be. His own life had already been destroyed, he didn’t want to be the cause of someone else’s downfall, especially Yutaka’s.
Soft hair brushed across his neck, those smooth lips again making a ghostly appearance before a full kiss was planted against the strong vein there, Yuu sure his blood was boiling so fast it could be felt through the firm touch. The hand on his cock began less subtle movements, the material of his slacks scratchy against Yutaka’s hand. Then, simultaneously, Yutaka nipped at his neck and pressed his hand down fully, dragging a ragged groan from Yuu’s throat as he was pushed back onto the cool bed and his waist was straddled; their miniature bottles now laying forgotten on the floor.
Yutaka’s hands were resting above his head, trying to level out the bed’s rapid movements, their faces close and lips brushing. Pure lust radiated in those deep eyes of Yutaka’s, a look Yuu had become accustomed to in the past. Their lips lightly connected before Yutaka tilted his head and broke contact, quietly whispering, “I’m only married back home. Here…I’m all yours.”
Those words were all it took.
Yuu released any hesitance, hands coming to a rest on Yutaka’s hips as their lips crashed together and they kissed deeply. Their movements were frantic, arousal constantly building as their hardening erections grinded heatedly, Yutaka moaning into the kiss. Yuu’s fingers danced up and down that trim waist, hands eventually gliding up under light fabric and caressing toned stomach. He traced every line there, impressed with the brunette’s new attributes. Gliding his hands to the back, he dipped beneath the waistline of Yutaka’s jeans and allowed his hands to grab onto mounds of firm flesh, smiling into the kiss as he realized Yutaka’s tendency to not wear boxers still hadn’t changed. He began to massage, pulling Yutaka closer against him as they continued to grind; their kiss becoming more desperate and needy as time went on.
The heat was becoming almost unbearable, their bodies writhing together with total lack of control. Lewdly they were sucking each other’s tongues, a game a pull and tug, each attempting to become the victor. Yuu was trying hard to keep himself under control, feeling Yutaka so hard and needy against him almost able to bring him to orgasm alone. It was good. Too good. A pleasure he hadn’t felt since the last time they’d been together, and when he felt Yutaka nibble on his tongue and bring wandering fingers down to his erect nipples, he couldn’t help but gasp and thrust his hips up, knocking Yutaka’s unbalanced body off to the side of him.
Still on his back, Yuu lay sweaty and panting, the water floating in waves beneath help keeping him from exploding. Yutaka was curled against his side, a mess of limbs thrown over Yuu and his face buried deep in his neck, able to feel bouts of hot breaths against his damp neck. Yuu could feel Yutaka’s heart beating against his arm, the rhythm just as strong as his own. He felt like he’d just run a marathon, and the only way to extinguish his thirst was to keep his body, hands, and mouth attached to Yutaka at all times. Which is why he didn’t bother to wait for his breathing to calm before he was dipping his head and finding Yutaka’s lips, the kiss barely beginning before he felt hands pushing against his chest, begging him to stop.
“Yuu…” the way Yutaka called his name sent a jolt of panic down spine. Yutaka looked radiant at the moment, lips a rosy red and swollen, eyes hooded with lust, and all before it even truly began, Yuu feared he was losing him.
“…we’re not teenagers anymore.” Yuu was eyeing the brunette, now his time to silently plead. Yutaka wouldn’t be so cruel as to take everything away from him when they’ve come so close, he just couldn’t. But then he remembered Yutaka had disappeared after a life promised together and already he could feel his heart shattering – Yutaka had come to realize everything he was about to do was a mistake. Yuu could feel himself falling apart under his stare, unable to move.
But then Yutaka lifted from the crook of his neck and came face to face with him. His handsome features turned amused and he chuckled to himself, allowing all of Yuu’s worries to vanish. “I don’t know about you, but my back can’t handle a damn water bed anymore,” he flicked the mattress and Yuu could hear the water waver beneath them before he broke into a rowdy fit himself. “Can we move things to the floor?” Yuu nodded his head, relieved. Preparing to sit up and cup Yutaka’s cheek so he could give him another peck before they repositioned themselves, but the moment his head lifted off the mattress Yutaka laced his arms around his neck and twisted their entangled bodies hard, ending with them both crashing down onto the floor with a hard thud; Yutaka still atop his body.
Yuu was shocked, entire body thrumming in pain. He went to ask Yutaka what the hell that was all about, only to be interrupted, the brunette’s mouth right by his ear again, voice set in a teasing tone, “That’s payback for all those times you tackled me while playing hide and seek with the Nishikawa’s kids.”
It took him a moment to register Yutaka’s playful words. Having to dig through the millions of file folders that contained their past, as soon as he found what he was looking for, he laughed; the fiery arousal dying down momentarily at the recollection.
The Nishikawa’s were one of the many families they’d co-babysat for, Yuu having always felt like a little kid again when in the presence of their twin toddlers. One of the boys had taken more of a liking to him, while the other one clung to Yutaka, that bout of favoritism ending up in prank war after prank war. Yutaka and Yuu had constantly tried to show off for the twin of their liking, so when Yuu had been told to tackle Yutaka and run, he had.
His smile died down when he felt hands curl against his shirt, being redirected to those deep doe eyes, Yutaka looking him over with a gaze Yuu couldn’t even begin to describe. He felt like Yutaka was looking past him, deep into his soul and becoming one, and all he could do was lift his hand and tenderly cup the brunette’s face, feeling his movements as he bent forward, hovering their lips only centimeters apart.
“What happened to us?” a soft, broken question.
Yuu smiled sadly, running his thumb over the apple of Yutaka’s cheek, the brunette tilting his head so the entire side of his face rested in Yuu’s palm. “…life…” he answered, their lips slowly reconnecting.
It was painfully slow, their mouths refusing to break as they familiarized themselves with the languid kisses they were more used to. Lips smacking together, swallowing each other’s jagged breaths and whimpers. It was a pattern they could be lulled to sleep by.
Yutaka urged Yuu to sit up, fumbling fingers unbuttoning and sliding his shirt down strong shoulders, leaving pale skin exposed and to his doing. Yuu did the same, hands again massaging over Yutaka’s abdomen before forcing their kiss to break as he bundled the shirt in his grasp and tossed it over the brunette’s head. For the short time their lips were apart, they made up for it, mouths crashing together like magnets the moment lust drove them to the brink of destruction, their strong need shining in the way they looked at one another.
Yuu’s hands retraced the route he once knew on Yutaka’s back, starting at the shoulder blades and moving down, feeling every scar, every minor deformity, allowing images of how Yutaka attained each and every one to dance across his mind.
He groaned when Yutaka’s hips picked up movement, reawakening the lustrous bond that had faded over the last few minutes. Hands resting on the dip of the brunette’s back, he encouraged him to move, squeezing gently his waist and thrusting up every time Yutaka grated against him. Their movements became faster, harder. Their moans growing louder and stronger. And Yuu almost lost it all when Yutaka leaned down and took a nipple into his mouth, sucking and nipping.
His hands played in Yutaka’s hair messily, pressing the brunette closer as his mouth fell open in a silent scream. Sweat was forming on every inch of their bodies. Every touch. Every graze. Slowly killing them each.
Yuu would fall into delirium if he didn’t soon feel Yutaka in every way possible, so he forced the brunette to rise his head and crushed their lips back together, hands going to work on Yutaka’s belt and zipper clue for Yutaka to do the same. They kissed with chaos; lips, tongues, and teeth all messily working together as they blindly undressed each other. It took a bit of moving around, but finally they were both naked, their heated movements once more paused as each set of eyes roamed up and down sculpted body, neither able to look away. Yutaka’s hair was messy, waves frizzy and going off in every which direction. His chest was moving fast, lips wet and swollen. That image, combined with the heavy erection that stood strenuously against his flat stomach, awoke a hunger in Yuu he didn’t think possible…
He felt he had the control of a wild beast when he shot up off the floor. The way he wrapped his hands in Yutaka’s fuss of locks, the way he pulled Yutaka down on top of him and crashed their mouths together with a bruising force. Their cocks touched, the cloth barrier no longer there making eyes roll into the back of their heads with pleasure. Kissing wasn’t enough anymore and in seconds Yuu had their positions flipped. Yutaka sprawled out underneath him, awaiting with some amount of mischief in his eyes.
Yutaka’s heavy breaths, the way his mouth was debauched with physical evidence of their affair; it turned Yuu possessive. He knew their time would come to an end, knew that whatever went on right at this moment would be locked away in these four walls for eternity, just as the rest of their relationship was. Their first time together, prom night, even one of their Christmas Eve celebrations – it all started here, it would all end here. Even so, that possessive streak refused to die down, and before he could stop himself, Yuu had Yutaka’s arms pinned above his head, his teeth biting roughly into the brunette’s skin, leaving his mark for all to see; leaving evidence that his had indeed been real.
Yutaka’s scream quickly turned into one of pleasure, Yuu’s mouth working the skin apologetically as their cocks resumed their dance, wet tips grazing over each other and Yutaka’s nails raking down his back, sure to leave marks of his own. Yuu’s lips began sucking up Yutaka’s throat, traveling his jawline, peppering kisses everywhere. Yutaka thrust up hard, still leaving marks all over pale skin and dragging out a hiss from Yuu, forcing their lips back together to give them that much needed connection.
They were worked up, neither about to last much longer. Yuu’s fingers finally traveled down and wrapped around Yutaka’s cock, both men growling heatedly at the sudden touch. Yutaka was the first man Yuu ever touched – he was also the last. Girls have come and gone easily, but he could never bring himself to touch another male, because he knew it would never be the same. So to feel this again, to have his hand run over hard flesh that wasn’t his own, to feel the pulsating pressure begging to be released and have Yutaka writhing and whimpering beneath him, grateful for the intoxicating touch. It all just aroused him even more, bringing that tinkering heat to the surface, ready to wash away.
“Fuck, Yuu…stop,” Yutaka pleaded through gasps, but Yuu didn’t listen. His hand curled harder around Yutaka, squeezing and stroking at all different intervals, keeping him on edge with the unknown. He didn’t even care about his own cock right now straining swollen and painfully hard against his stomach, the head turning near purple from being left untouched. All he wanted was to feel Yutaka come undone underneath him, watch his every movement, how his face would scrunch. How he’d throw his head back and release one of the sexiest screams Yuu has ever heard, how his one orgasm held more intensity than five other men combined.
He kept stroking, feeling Yutaka’s legs wrap around his waist, watching his teeth dig into his lip and bring blood to the surface. Even untouched, Yuu felt like he was experiencing everything Yutaka was, mouth falling open in awe, those nails digging into his back feeling nearly numb at this point.
When Yutaka suddenly arched off the floor and plastered their lips together, Yuu nearly collapsed. Hand still pumping Yutaka even as spurts of come drizzled over his hand, their sweaty bodies melded together; Yutaka’s scream muffled against his lips sending an automatic twitch to his engorged erection.
Their chests beat in a unison panic as their bodies laid splayed about. Yuu felt exhausted, his raging arousal trapped between his and Yutaka’s body, the pressure painfully good. The state he’d fallen into watching Yutaka lose himself beneath him swiped him of almost all energy, the emotional connection he’d felt to the brunette in that moment something he’d been deprived of for far too long. He couldn’t bring himself to move, holding onto Yutaka for dear life. So when he felt Yutaka’s legs tighten around his waist and arms around his neck, he was shot with a jolt of shock, their bodies suddenly repositioned to their original starting point with Yutaka straddling his waist.
The sudden change left them both completely breathless; Yutaka having used every bit of energy left after such an heightened release to maneuver them around, Yuu having sucked in a deep breath and held it in the moment his back collided with the floor; the scratch marks Yutaka had provided him with burning. Their mouths were close and Yutaka pinned Yuu with an accusing look, beginning to rub his hands up and down his glistening torso. Yuu knew exactly what Yutaka was silently telling him; he was pissed. Yuu hadn’t listened to him, he hadn’t stopped, and now there would be consequences. It was a side to Yutaka he’d seen less than a handful of times, almost certain the brunette wasn’t even aware when this bout of raw feral took over.
Seeing Yutaka in such a state had always thrilled Yuu for reasons unexplainable and now he was almost certain he’d gone against what Yutaka had said just to get him this way. He needed this more than anything, feeling Yutaka slide down his body, planting bruising kisses all along the way, biting flesh and pinning him down with his energy alone, taking him into his mouth until every inch was coated in complete warmth; Yuu becoming dizzy.
Fingers clenched into the carpet and his toes curled. Guttural sounds foreign to both set of ears followed the lewd slurping noises Yutaka was producing, Yuu’s body entirely stiff as hands roughly rubbed his thighs. “Yu-yutak….a-” he felt he was choking on each syllable, being able to call out that very name while lost in such unhinged pleasure, being touched the only way he’d desired to be for so many years. It was too much. Yuu didn’t even feel like a person anymore, he was a puppet. Every time Yutaka pursed his lips around his cock and sucked harder, every time the brunette hollowed his cheeks and bobbed his head and used his tongue to tease every inch of him; it controlled every one of Yuu’s movements, forever under Yutaka’s control.
When they were together, when they were apart. It just didn’t matter. Yutaka would always pilot every thought and action Yuu devised. He’d crawled under his skin and tattooed himself into his bloodstream, leaving Yuu to await his commands.
Trying to force Yutaka away from him was lethal, because Yuu had become accustomed, and now…it was the only way he knew how to live.
He groaned when Yutaka pulled off him, his coated length hitting the crisp cool air sending his body a blaze. Lips worked fiercely up his thighs, to his hip bones, and he was certain there wasn’t going to be one inch of his body not bruised in the morning.
“Do you have anything?” Yutaka’s voice was a whisper against his ear, Yuu unsure of when he’d even closed the distance and put them face to face. Hands were still searching his body, brushing over smooth skin, lips dancing tantalizingly against his neck, jaw, and chest.
“N-no…” Yuu stumbled over his words, the pleasure Yutaka providing him with too distracting.
“Do you trust me?” balmy breaths across his lips, Yuu barely able to open his eyes and utter his question, spying Yutaka’s determined face hovering right above him.
“W-what?” Yutaka was still peppering kisses all over his body, a hand sneaking down and beginning to swirl patterns right by his groin, sending Yuu arching off the floor, desperate for some proper contact.
“I haven’t been with anyone except my wife in five years…I trust you, do you trust me?” No, Yuu didn’t trust him. There was no way he could, not after everything Yutaka had done to him. But, he needed this.
It took every nerve his body contained, but eventually he enabled himself to nod his head, deciding to hand over the reins and follow Yutaka’s actions.
He watched with heavy eyes as Yutaka licked a trail up his hand, moaned when he felt that slick hand curl around his length and give a few pumps; nearly screamed when Yutaka took no time and impaled himself on his cock. Their hips collided and Yutaka gasped heatedly into his neck, his erratic breaths labored, expressing his current pain for taking Yuu with next to no preparation.
“F-fuck…it hurts.” Flat against his chest, entire body tensed, hands tugging on ebony hair to fight off some of the pain. All of this was too familiar to Yuu. The whispered words, near panic in a usually determined voice. It was their first visit to this very room all over again. Yuu inexperienced, unknowing what to do. Yutaka trying to mask his pain, wanting this more than anything, afraid Yuu would stop if he knew how much he was actually hurting.
It was either Yutaka’s tolerance for pain had built over the years or he was just as desperate as he was back then to connect with Yuu in such an intimate way. Either way, Yuu knew he had to do something to ease the tension the brunette was radiating; his body wrapped so tight around him driving Yuu mad.
He found himself re-enacting this very moment from over a decade ago, rubbing hands down a shaking back, brushing back strands of sweaty locks, pressing light kisses to a warm neck. Doing his best to sooth, to calm Yutaka down and let him know the pain would pass. That this would eventually all be worth it.
A good solid ten minutes passed before Yutaka finally lifted himself from the crook of his neck, breaths having leveled out. Their stares met, remnants of tears still dancing behind pools of mocha, and Yuu pushed himself up on his elbows. Raising a hand and cupping a heated cheek, repeating his actions from the night he had Yutaka in this very same way, titling his head and kissing him with passion.
They kissed long and soft, each second they were connected still total disbelief in Yuu’s eyes. It was a moment he could relive forever, feeling Yutaka so warm and willing sending jolts of pleasure down his spine. And the moment the brunette’s hips finally moved, the moment Yuu felt those wall surrounding him strengthen their tight hold, he broke the kiss and gasped, the weak support his elbows had been offering collapsing and sending him to lay back straight.
Trembling hands came to lay in his chest, Yutaka’s fingers overlapping each other and pushing himself up, eyes closed in a painful decadence, the patterned movement of up and down on Yuu’s erection eventually becoming easier; both men growling in delight as the pace sped up and the raw pleasure kicked in.
Yutaka kept a constant speed, the combination of the make shift lube and Yuu’s precome making his movements slicker by the moment, pleasure taking over the pain. Their eyes heavy with hazy lust remained staring at each other the entire time, Yutaka gasping and falling forward the moment Yuu began snapping his hips up, meeting everything the brunette was giving to him with equal force. They were panting, Yutaka riding Yuu so hard that the elder’s back began sliding on the carpet; the feeling burning yet sensational. Yuu’s knees bent and his hands grabbed hold on Yutaka’s hips, throwing his head back and muttering his name as Yutaka continued to slam down on his erection, walls purposefully clenching hard, trying to bring them both to that land of euphoria.
The muscles in Yuu’s thighs were clenching, stomach rampart in heat, back stinging from the scratches and flesh burns. He was about to combust.
Allowing feral instincts to take over, Yuu shot up off the ground, chest smacking together with Yutaka’s own. Yutaka let out a gasp, lidded eyes staring at Yuu and swollen lips remaining open. Yuu was quick to smash their matching ruddy in color mouths together, arms wrapping around Yutaka’s trim waist, beginning to drill into him from their newfound position.
His thrusts were hard, fast, erratic. Yutaka was moaning, he was whimpering, and letting his nails dig their way into Yuu’s back again, needing to hold on tight at Yuu fucked him deep, hitting that special bundle of nerves each and every time with their new angle.
“F-fuck, Yuu…please, touch me…”
Yuu did as demanded, wrapping his hand around Yutaka’s cock, using precome to make his motions slicker. He stroked and thrust, twisting his hand and hips, turning Yutaka into a complete mess in his lap.
He watched. He watched as Yutaka’s body lost all its strength, he watched as his breaths became more jagged and his face buried itself into Yuu’s neck. But more important than watching, Yuu felt that hitch of breath, that moment Yutaka completely stopped breathing, as his orgasm washed over him; only letting out a scream and fast breaths the moment his release began to coat Yuu’s stomach and hand.
Having Yutaka so spent in his lap. Having his warm come splattered all over his body; Yuu was only able to thrust a few minutes longer, kissing Yutaka chaotically as he came.
Covered in come, sweat, and tears, both men collapsed back fully on the ground, breathing evening out as they stared at each other. Their hair of different tones mixed together, the tips of their fingers brushed together, lips moved on lips slowly. It was such a peaceful moment after a night full of heavy emotions and an intense session of fucking, and Yuu found himself beginning to pass out quickly, his mind only being reawaken when he felt Yutaka’s warm body press against him, a whisper in his ear.
“Yuu…you know I’ve never stopped loving you, right?”
Yuu’s vision was fading out, Yutaka’s honey like voice sweet and warm, allowing him flashes of their past. Yutaka in his arms, smiling and giggling. Yutaka kissing him, trying to help him escape the pain of losing his grandfather. Yutaka standing in his room, begging with tears in his eyes for Yuu to just hold him, to never forget him; the last time he’d ever seen him.
With those visions playing in his head, Yuu placed his chin in Yutaka’s brunette mop, kissing his temple tenderly. “I know…neither have I.”
“And you know that no matter what happens, I’ll never stop loving you…”
Yuu’s hands wrapped in Yutaka’s hair, knowing what those words meant. He had to clench his eyes shut, fighting back apparent tears. Chest heavy and stomach in knots, he pulled Yutaka closer, whispering another broken ‘I know’; both men falling to sleep soon after.
When Yuu woke up just a few hours later, the sun was just beginning to peak out from under the clouds through a slit in the curtains. It was freezing, the room was quiet, and without even bothering to get up and look, Yuu knew he was alone. No matter how hard he tried to imagine the sound of the squeaky faucet running a warm shower, or even try and listen for the low grumbling of the single cup coffee maker; he knew he was alone. His and Yutaka’s small exchange of words last night had been a warning; I love you, but we can’t do this.
Expecting to wake up with Yutaka plastered to his side and snoring lightly had all been false hope on Yuu’s part. He’d tried to prepare himself in his sleep for the blow he was going to be faced with upon waking up, but no matter how many times his inner self told him there was no way Yutaka would stick around to face him in the morning hour, he still couldn’t fight off that weight of disappointment he felt; that knowing bout of loneliness now back and consuming him at full force.
Sluggishly standing from the ground, every bone in his body snapped painfully, the icy cold air hitting the opened wounds on his back making teeth grind. He felt dirty and used, heading straight for the shower, applying the hottest setting, burning away the remorse from just those few hours ago.
Clothed and ready to go, beginning to head for the exit, something caught his attention. Their bottles had been cleaned up, bed properly fixed, and anything that was brought out of place put back in precise order; a classic sign Yutaka had actually stayed in this room. As a teen, he’d always reprimand Yuu, making him get up early whenever they stayed here, forcing him to help clean up. Because Yutaka was Yutaka; nice, sweet, and forever caring. He’d claimed that housekeeping already had enough to do, so he and Yuu could at least clean up after themselves and make their job easier.
The cleanliness, however, wasn’t what caught Yuu’s attention. It was the television.
The blue screen was showing, a piece of contrasting white paper taped to the glass screen. In big, bold print read the words, ‘PRESS PLAY’, followed by a few words underneath. Yuu was quick to grab the paper and remote, plopping himself down on the edge of the bed and scanning those few quickly jotted words.
Yuu,
Yutaka
The paper scrunched in his hands, a fury taking over he hadn’t experienced since he’d first found out of Yutaka’s disappearance. That was it? After everything that had happened between them, that was all Yutaka had to say? The paper trembling in his hands was quickly morphed into a wadded ball, going flying across the room as Yuu threw it in anger.
Yutaka was his utopia, yet Yutaka was everything that was wrong with him. It was all one big contradiction; a truth he was mentally trying to turn fiction.
He wanted to hit something. He wanted to kick and punch until bone was popping through his knuckles and his feet were bruised. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, let out all those inner demons in one smooth shout. But instead, Yuu settled for heavy breathing, twisting his hands in his hair and burying himself in his knees, trying to hide even from himself his streaming tears.
It wasn’t fair.
Life wasn’t fair.
He hated it.
He just wanted to be happy. To live normally. To have a job that paid well and a loving family to come home to. He wanted what Yutaka had.
He wanted Yutaka.
It was all too confusing, too much, and Yuu knew the tears wouldn’t stop unless he had a distraction. Yanking the remote up from by his side, he did as the note instructed, blindly pressing play and falling back on the bed, simply waiting. Noises, maybe even flashes of the screen. Just anything that would clear his mind and allow him to begin his hike to the nearest bus station.
For a few moments, only the sloshing of water could be heard in his ears, the water the mattress contained moving steadily under his weight, bringing a relaxing calm. White noise, followed by the sounds of fumbling and warm laughter. Two distinct voices; one his own, the other Yutaka’s.
Yuu shot up ram rod straight, glistening eyes wide with disbelief. How could he have forgotten about this video? Yutaka had been so secretive about the item he was placing in their small time capsule when they were teens, and even ten years later, Yuu feels like he could slap himself. How had he’d not known? The moment he saw Yutaka sneak a tape into the tin box, he should’ve put two and two together…but, he hadn’t…
“Yuuu, this is so embarrassing! Please don’t make me do it!” Yutaka’s warm laughter radiated throughout the room, the teen standing at an angle in front of a camera, wearing a long, white button down t-shirt that came down to his knees.
“Awww, come on Yutaka. Are you going to deny the birthday boy his only wish?” Yuu’s quirky voice spoke up this time, his figure laying relaxed on the twin sized bed in his room, hands folded under his head as support and watching Yutaka squirm on the other side of the room. “You promised you’d do this, babe. Just for me, pleeeeease~?” A pout took over his full lips, his piercing reflecting off the bright lights in the room; pout turning into a full grin as Yutaka’s steady laughter again filled the four walls.
“Fine. But it’s only because I love you.” Yutaka pointed a finger Yuu’s way, trying to appear stern, but falling into another fit of giggles once more as Yuu blew a playful kiss in his direction.
Slowly, Yutaka stood straight, keeping his focus on Yuu as he began sliding each button on his shirt from their individual hole, a smirk crossing his lips as Yuu watched him intently. “You like what you see?” the brunette tried to remain serious, trying to seduce Yuu with his eyes alone as he flapped open the top part of his shirt, revealing his entire chest; pert nipples and all. But his attempts at seduction were completely destroyed as a smile curled on his lips, feeling absolutely ridiculous. It just wasn’t who Yutaka was.
“Hmmm, baby, you look so good. Why not come over here and show me what you can do?” Yuu’s words came out more natural, a husk to them indicating Yutaka was doing something right in turning him on. Hands rubbing up and down his clothed thighs in anticipation, tongue flicking out and moistening his lips.
Yutaka rolled his eyes, popping open more buttons as he crossed the room towards Yuu; purposefully swaying his hips with an exaggerated force, stopping right by the edge of the bed and staring at Yuu, the last button still intact. “Happy birthday, Yuu.” A whisper so sweet, Yuu swore he was in the heavens; Yutaka his own personal guardian angel.
The last button was pushed through its cotton barrier, Yutaka allowing Yuu to reach up and slide the thin shirt off his slant shoulders; leaving him completely naked. Yuu ran his hands down Yutaka’s body in near worship, stopping and wrapping his arms around the small of his boyfriend’s back. Kissing up his stomach until he reached right above his belly button, nuzzling his face into tan skin. “You’re so perfect, Yutaka…I can’t wait to start our lives together.”
Smiling tenderly, the brunette laced his fingers into Yuu’s hair, bending at the knees until they hit the mattress, thighs spread over the elder’s lap. “Together forever, right?”
Lips were pressed together, a kiss of passion exchanged. “Together forever, baby.”
Yuu couldn’t watch anymore. He knew full well what followed, and watching himself and Yutaka young and hopelessly infatuated with one another, making love so passionately and not afraid to shout it…he couldn’t handle it in his current frail state.
That day was like a permanent stamp in his memory. His parents had gone out of town, leaving him to celebrate his eighteenth birthday all alone. He’d been bummed about it for sure, but when Yutaka had strutted up to him during lunch time and told Yuu he’d doing anything to make him feel better about the situation, he couldn’t resist his suggestion of a small strip tease and an amateur sex tape.
However amateur they’d planned the tape to originally be, in the end, the camera wound up capturing one of the most ardent and intimate moments between them as a couple. They were vulnerable, their raw emotions worn completely on their sleeves. There wasn’t anything they could hide behind, it plain and simple that they were Yuu and Yutaka; two teens who loved each other more than some couples who spent an entirety together.
Yuu understood now. That was Yutaka’s reasoning for putting that tape into the box.
The part of himself Yutaka wanted to always remember, to never forget, had been Yuu. He wanted to prove that no matter what they went through, they’d always come out undefeated; that they’d truly be, together forever.
Everything coming crashing down on him like this made Yuu feel ill. He quickly stood, ejecting the tape and rushing out of the room. Dewy summer morning air slammed against his body, taking in shallow breaths while making his way down the stairs.
Hurrying to the bus stop, sitting at the bench and lowering his head between his knees; he tried to block everything out. He tried to force himself back into that numb state, to feel and hear nothing. But all around him was Yutaka’s gentle caress and addicting laughter. It was loud, echoing; taking over his world. The marks Yutaka had left him with last night humming to life at the very thought of him.
The tape was trembling in his hands, Yuu having to think long and hard to steady himself, and that’s when he realized; he couldn’t do as Yutaka asked of him. He couldn’t stay in contact with him.
Because unless he could have Yutaka all to himself as friend, lover, and partner for life; he couldn’t be around him at all.
It was just too painful. And Yuu had already dealt with enough pain throughout his life.
How long he sat there, he wasn’t quite sure. An hour. Maybe two. But when the bus finally rolled up, he’d been able to put himself back into that anesthetized chaos, stepping onto the bus and taking the far back corner seat. Staring forlornly out the window, watching the sakura tree; the starting point to this night’s downward spiral, slowly fade into the background.
Leaving behind his final memory of Yutaka, imprisoning himself in what once was; freezing their youthful together forever and making it last an eternity.
Author's Note: I UPDATED >:D It's almost 5am & I'm forcing myself to post this because IF I DON'T I'LL KEEP IT TO MYSELF FOREVER. I could clean it up...a lot...BUT NOPE. And as for the smut I'm sorry it sucks but HELL, I hate writing smut at this point. ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT. well, not *really* it, but I'll explain more later. Bye for now~.
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Date: 2014-07-18 10:44 am (UTC)*cries*
SO BEAUTIFUL AND BITTERSWEET!
thank you so much for this amazing piece, I really enjoyed it!
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Date: 2014-07-20 06:00 pm (UTC)Then ending honestly hurt me to write, so I'm glad someone else enjoyed the pain :3
THANKS AGAIN <3
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Date: 2014-07-18 12:17 pm (UTC)But seriously, you had absolutely NOTHING to be worried about with posting this. It was so emotional and perfect. I'm pretty sure its an example of a perfect angst story. Also, I'm proud that you threw your worries out the window and just posted it anyway :P
I actually really liked the amount of inner monologue there was in this fic. There were moments throughout it, like fond memories that were so hearwarming and had me smiling like an idiot. Like Taka drawing a dick on the whiteboard and prom night. Trust Taka to pull one of his naughty little pixie tricks and spike the punch bowl >:( And then there were other moments that were so bittersweet, particularly the memories Yuu had of Yutaka. That fact that he loved Yutaka so much but had been through so much pain because of him made it really emotional to read. And then of course there was the painful stuff. I'm really curious as to why Yutaka just up and left. And then there's the fact that Yutaka put the tape in the box because Yuu was the one thing he never wanted to forget; that bit of so heart shattering, I could barely deal.
Everything in this was described so beautifully. I could really feel every emotion Yuu was reminiscing on and in some way I guess I can relate. Only a smidge though. As in the way that when you ;love someone those feelings never really go away. My boyfriend had to leave at the beginning of the year and we split up because I didn't know if I could handle a long distance relationship. But we just recently got back into contact and we met up and it just felt like we fell back into old habits. It was like we haven't been apart for six months. Obviously that only compares a little to what Yuu went through, but the point is I can empathize with him which makes this fic so much more touching for me.
You said that you weren't sure if people would get the message behind this fic. I think I may have partially figured it out (I probably haven't) but I'm not sure if I should say >.<
Anyway, I really hope this comment was sufficient enough to make you believe that this really was a fantastic piece of writing full of so much emotion and atmosphere. It was perfect. You should feel proud that you made me cry ;P I hope the reaction to this little gem helps you regain some of the confidence you've been lacking. You know I love you and you're writing and it pains me to hear that you don't have confidence in something that you're so talented in. I love you, sweet girl and I'll tell you all of this as many times as I need to in order to made you believe it <3 <3
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Date: 2014-07-20 06:25 pm (UTC)Inner monologue prevents me from having to write actual dialogue...which saves me the stress of trying to attempt to make my dialogue sound natural :'D Memories were the base of this fic, and I feel like those small moments are what gives it more of an emotional impact, because it builds on the characters without anything really needing to happen at the present time?? I'm so shitty at explaining my own thoughts lol. I have it all planned out as to why Yutaka disappeared...I was actually *going* to include it in this segment...but, ya know, sometimes things just don't work out :P If I write more on this, it'll be included in the next part for sure.
I'm happy to hear about you and your ex reconciling :D I hope things work out well for the two of you <3
If you ever wanna shout my way whatever you think the message is, go ahead! There's never a *wrong* answer, seeing as EVERYONE perceives things differently :3
;_____; STOP BEING SO SWEET. Thank you so much for everything, really. I WISH I COULD SAY MORE BUT REPLYING BACK TO COMMENTS TAKES SO MUCH BRAIN POWER AND I HAVE NONE RIGHT NOW :'DD SO JUST THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU <33
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Date: 2014-07-19 02:03 am (UTC)Guess I could start out by saying thanks a lot for shredding my heart completely. Do you even understand how heartbreaking this fic is????????????????????????????
FIRST OF ALL
Yutaka, my bby. Fuck you. Fuck you so fucking much I hate you omg.
My first thought was that I felt really bad for Yuu. But then Yutaka was THERE and I was like omg yes now we’ll get an explanation as to why he just suddenly left and everything will be fucking perfect yay.
But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
No, Yutaka (that. bitch.) dances around Yuu’s questions as I begin to feel like strangling him just a little bit. Even after 10 years, he refuses to give Yuu some kind of closure. That is like the worst thing you can do to someone, because how is he supposed to get over something when he doesn’t even know what the hell happened? Then there’s THE RING and my brain nearly explodes !but! when he says that he “appreciates” his wife, I feel this sadistic satisfaction that Yuu isn’t the only one who’s been suffering.
AND THEN HE HAS A FUCKING KID AND MY BRAIN FINALLY DOES EXPLODE because it’s just SO unfair. It’s so goddamn unfair that while he might have missed Yuu, at least he’s been filling his life with other things while Yuu’s been in this permanent limbo of complete and utter misery
And
It
Isn’t
Fair.
I’m sure he did have a good reason for leaving, I’m assuming it has something to do with his family and how they would never be able to accept the relationship. I really hope you’ll continue this fic so we can find out~. But since the story was presented from Yuu’s perspective, while reading this I kind of felt like he was my friend and Yutaka was the fucker who hurt him and didn’t deserve even an ounce of happiness in his life.
ALSO I lovelovelove the way you described kind of the… evolution of the friendship between all of them, and how a lot of them lost contact because… that happens. It sucks and you wonder why all of you let that happen, but it’s part of reality and I always like to see that in fiction~.
So. Yo, this wasn’t too sucky :P It was SO GREAT, and (despite how much I’ve been ranting about Yutaka) I really loved reading this because it just made me feel so damn much. It’s taken me hours to read this because it was just too intense and I had to take breaks to calm down xD Which is a good thing imo!
You really had no reason to be worried about posting this. So it isn’t my favourite pairing, but did I care while reading this? Noooooooo because it’s beautifully written, and most importantly the characters and their emotions were described so well that the pairing just didn’t matter. And the smut… I don’t even understand how you can NOT see that that right there is an AMAZING smut scene. The emotions were practically tangible, and the similarities with their first time…. HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THIS IS PERFECT SMUT?????
Also (I’m sorry about my disjointed way of writing this, it’s even getting on my own nerves but) when Yutaka asked him if he trusted him and Yuu’s first thought was basically “lol no” I thought that was perfect because if that - and that fact that he lied and nodded - isn’t tragic, then I don’t know what is. Like Yuu wishes he could trust him, but he knows that nothing is really going to change, so in a way… Well in a way I guess he did get some semblance of closure because he at least knew what was going to happen this time, even if that didn’t make it any less painful.
The ending broke me, I wish I could enter the story and get on that bus with Yuu, and hold his hand and give him a pat on the back for at least trying to tell himself that he won’t see Yutaka anymore, because it would be too painful and just not enough.
This is ridiculous I AM SO SORRY
Date: 2014-07-19 02:04 am (UTC)So um…. Pleasepleaseplease continue this story, I must know what happens next! *_* I’m desperate to know more about Yutaka, and for Yuu to hopefully get a happy ending…
This is, quite possibly, the most illiterate comment I’ve ever left anyone, ever, and I’m sorry about that. I feel like there’s so much more to say about the story but this is getting sliiiightly ridiculous. Tbh I kinda wanted to wait a bit and then re-read everything so I could have more time to actually collect my thoughts, but I know you were anxious about posting this so I wanted to leave you a comment right away :3 But just know that I was ecstatic to see a new update from you, and that I loved reading this (even the bits I didn’t love, I loved because I didn’t love them and feels. Feels are good. Fuck Yutaka.)
Re: This is ridiculous I AM SO SORRY
Date: 2014-07-23 06:46 pm (UTC)AND YOU’RE WELCOME >:D
When it comes to fic, breaking hearts is possibly the best response, so yeah, I’m smiling~.
LMAO. I’m sorry, but your entire comment is just turning me into this big giddy mess. HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT OUR BBY LIKE THAT >:D Yutaka’s just a…complicated person…(but no, for real. I’m with you 100%...that.bitch. :’3) Gaaah. I just want to shout out to you all these stupid answers you don’t know but would possibly make you side with Yutaka a little bit more BUT I CAN’T CAUSE IT’S SO SPOILY. Just know that if I do continue (which basically I am…I just gotta find inspiration to actually write) I WILL answer all these questions and Yutaka’s kid will play a pretty important role :3
I’m glad you took notice of the little friendship details I tossed in there, because I *truly* didn’t want this entire fic to be all about Yutaka’s and Yuu’s romantic relationship. I tried to get a little bit more in depth and attempt to develop the other characters backgrounds without actually bringing them into the mix because…well, they’re going to be important later on down the road :’D BUT YES. Just because you’re bffs in school doesn’t mean it lasts forever D:
HAPPY to know it wasn’t too sucky then, thanks ;)
I’m just always weary about smut because SMUT IS HARD. I feel like every time I write it, it just sounds like ‘Yuu stuck his dingle ling into Yutaka’s butt and they screwed’ AND IT MAKES ME CRINGE :’D SO THANK YOU SO MUCH for commenting on the emotional aspect on the smut because THAT’S what I like to base my smut off of, not the actual movements and such…SO REALLY, THANKS. I feel about 10000 times better about that scene now.
Disjointed my ass. There’s no need to worry about proper grammar & shit with me. Your comment could be all asdfghjk23@#$#$%$ and I’d understand :P Besides, YOU USE BETTER GRAMMAR IN YOUR COMMENTS THAN I DO IN ACTUAL WRITING, so yeah :3.
You always leave such fantastic feedback and I just never really know how to respond because I’M JUST OVERWHELMED WITH GIDDINESS :’DD So I’m sorry I always reply back in the most shitastic way EVER, but it’s the best I can manage without flying over to you and SQUEEZING YOU INTO THE TIGHTEST HUG EVER. And again, I agree with you: FUCK YUTAKA >:)
Really though, thank you so much for such an amazing comment <33 It’s comments like these I come back and re-read whenever I’m feeling shitty about my writing. SO REALLY, YOU’RE AWESOME. Thanks so much!
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Date: 2014-07-19 11:29 am (UTC)Ugh I haven't gotten sleep at all and I started reading this and now I have to wake up in half an hour to freaking go to SF for a dance competition in Japantown in a few hours... RAHHHHHHHHHH IM SOOO HEART BROKEN. YUU!!!!!!!
(;_____;) what is the meaning of life anymore.. I don't sleep. ((=_=)) I can go on today by pure fucking rage asajgdvajdhvcadkhbkjcna I can't freaking get overrrr ughhhhhh. How can I. Fucking Akira. Fucking Kouyou. Fucking Kai. FUCK him. Bitch! Messin with my feelsssss fuck life ._________. Waaeeee (;A;) I'm so sad now arrrrggghhhhh. What do I do now? :"(( Aahhhhhhhh is there gonna be a next cuz I'm x( </3
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Date: 2014-07-23 06:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-19 07:04 pm (UTC)I'm usually not one to comment on everything I ever read, but this amazing piece of prose recommends a feedback...(btw, I'm sorry if my autocorrect is fucking up my normally readable English...my keyboard won't turn to the English one, so I'm forced to use the German one *sucks*)
First of all: I'm crying...and I don't seem to be able to stop soon...this fanfiction was heavy, emotionally and theme-wise, it consists of one of my most favorite pairing, though I usually find Yutaka to be the top in those (can't help it - Kai's a right dominant bastard *chuckles* and I love him all the more for being such a natural leader-type <3) ;), and it was absolutely great!
Second: Please don't change the end to a happy one...sometimes, it is not needed! This time definitely not! This story is perfect in itself as it is, so don't change anything, please...
Third: I'm still crying... I can relate to the feelings described in those three chapters...both to Yuus as well as to Yutakas...it made me feel even more connected...
This fic was recommended on Facebook so excuse me for adding you - I'm always looking for good english fiction, as most of the German ones are not only flat, but also "without soul", if you know what I mean...there are a few exeptions, but not many...
That said - please continue to write, I adore your style! And write as many happy endings as you can think of (we all love our fair share of smiley-happy-go-lucky-lovers), but - again - please don't change anything with this piece of art!!
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Date: 2014-07-23 07:30 pm (UTC)Believe it or not, I’m usually one for happy endings~. Even if it makes the story completely unbelievable, I typically stick with happy endings…but I just *couldn’t* see that happening here. Thanks so much for commenting, it really does mean a lot! <33
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Date: 2014-07-19 08:27 pm (UTC)I'm all with Aoi on this one. This simply does not seem fair, that he's left hanging while Kai more or less moved on with his life unscathed. And Kai didn't even have the decency to explain why he left Aoi out of nowhere! How is someone supposed to move on when they don't even know the reason for someone running out on them? I thought better of you, Kai. >.>
Sometimes... sometimes, it's better not to rekindle the past. I wish Aoi would be able to find someone new to love, someone who truly recognizes his worth and who isn't scarred about what society might think.
Thanks for sharing ^^
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Date: 2014-07-22 06:01 pm (UTC)I agree. Kai should've told Aoi...but then again, we really don't know Kai's full side of the story yet. He has his reasons for keeping things to himself, and we'll find out later just what those reasons are :3
Thank you for reading & leaving such a nice comment, it means the world to me <333
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Date: 2014-07-20 09:33 pm (UTC)I cried more than half of the ff.... your story really hit me ;;
I would love to read more, even though I know it'll probably kill me even more lD
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Date: 2014-07-22 05:56 pm (UTC)Chances are this will be continued, though...I just don't know when :P
Thanks so much for reading & commenting, it means a lot to me!
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Date: 2014-07-21 05:38 am (UTC)Woman, I think we have a masterpiece in our hands :D
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Date: 2014-07-22 05:49 pm (UTC)THANKS SO MUCH, YOU'RE REALLY TOO NICE TO MY LITTLE FICS :'DD This is far from a masterpiece, but thanks for making me blush :P
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Date: 2014-07-21 03:18 pm (UTC)I am so sorry that I don't really know what to say. This story really hits me hard in my poor kokoro. I hope you know that my kokoro is now brokoro!
But I also love it and I really think that it is a good ending. I do understand Yuu's decision. He loves Yutaka so much, still, after all these years and knowing now that he can never have him bcs he is married, has a child, etc, just hurts so much more.
I also love the atmosphere between them. Their slwoly approaching to each other, Yuu's upcoming hopes that are crashed in an instance. I felt his pain and I cried a lot during reading. Had to stop a couple of times bcs those feelings were so overwhelming. Their first kiss after such a long time, Yutaka naming his daughter like Yuu and him wanted to name their child.. Why, Yu, why? I mean I do understand why but on the other hand.. it was supposed the name for THEIR child.. and.. (I am so sorry I can't put my feelings into proper words). Yutaka has everything they've (Y+Y) wanted. Not Yutaka with a woman.. And Yuu is alone, was left alone..
Oh and those flashbacks.. how it was ten years ago..
(Okay I had to laugh at the part with Takanori and drawing dicks on the board and Akira winning this award XD)
And I have a question.. Why did Yutaka leave? Why did he break up with Yuu? Bcs of his parents? Did they put him under pressure bcs they somehow found out abt them? Yutaka was happy with Yuu, so why? That's the most important question I have. Tell me, and don't leave it to my imaginination ;_;
I hope Yuu will find his peace and will be happy ;_;
I am sorry I can't say more.. Just know that I really love it and that it is very well written and one can feel Yuu's feelings.. and ENJOY MY PAIN!!! IN KNOW IT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!
ily ♥
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Date: 2014-07-23 07:44 pm (UTC)I feel so bad for Yuu and I wish he would just kinda smack Yutaka, but we both know he wouldn’t…cause he’s hopelessly in love with that little asshole :’) YES. I’m happy you liked the slow atmosphere, because I was *so* afraid of rushing things. I mean, they’ve been separated for over 10 years…it just wouldn’t be natural for them to jump into bed right away with each other. So I was kinda trying to draw things out and build up the almost desperate need to be around each other…but I was still unsure if I’d done that correctly, SO THANKS for pointing out the ~slowness~ :P
AND YUTAKA NAMING THEIR KID YUUKI FUCKED WITH MY OWN FEELS AND I’M THE ONE WHO MADE HIM DO IT. So I understand your pain lol.
I tried to toss *some* humor in there, so I’m glad you were able to laugh, even if it was a little :P
I’m afraid I can’t tell you why Yutaka left ;_____; Because if I continue, that’s what the story will be about :’D SORRY, I WISH I COULD TELL YOU, BUT I JUST CAN’T.
Thank you for such a sweet comment, you know how much I appreciate it <33 LOVEYOUTOO, MISS HERSEY :P
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Date: 2014-07-30 10:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-08-11 09:10 pm (UTC)I love how this is old lovers, reconnecting but both wanting different things in the end even if it isn't what they really want. I don't know if I'm making any sense lol. I'm trying to leave a thoughtful comment for once but it's so hard to explain for me haha.
This fic really touched me ^^; There. xD
Very sad indeed, but amazing! Thanks for writing <3
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Date: 2014-11-02 10:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-03 01:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-05 12:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-01-07 06:55 pm (UTC)