Last Relapse - Part II {Aoi & Kai)
Jul. 18th, 2014 04:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bitetoall136Title: Last Relapse
Chapter: Part II/III
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bite_to_all136
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Slice of Life
Overall Warnings: Infidelity, Language, Smut
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Band(s): the GazettE
Pairings/Characters: Aoi & Kai, mentioned Ruki, Reita, Uruha
Summary: A decade old promise between friends reunites Yuu with the one person he’d been trying his hardest to forget.
Notes: A fill for the shattered dream/goal on the angst/fluff bingo cardkrasivayadusha created for me :)
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, only the mediocre story line.
Previous Parts:(Part I)
Part II
“Three days of ISS for drawing male genitalia on the white board with permanent marker.” Yuu was barely able to read the sentence out loud, his strong laughter interrupting every other word as his hand turned up to cover his full mouth. Yutaka next to him was laughing just as hard, their bodies doubling over in joy and brushing against each other. Mind completely free from earlier foreboding thoughts, Yuu felt like a teenager again, the faded paper trembling almost violently in his hand as he continued to laugh.
Upon opening the box which had been sealed for over a decade, the first thing the pair of matching mocha eyes fell upon was a clear plastic Ziploc bag, stretched a few inches thick due to the amount of paper shoved inside. Without even having to pick up the bag, Yuu already began laughing, instantly recognizing it as the mound of detention slips Taka had insisted on putting in the night of their graduation.
Without a doubt, Yutaka recommended they read through each and every one of them, and for the past half an hour that’s exactly what they’d done. The slips started out almost innocently; two days of lunch detention for skipping class, after school work detail for not turning in classwork. But as the years progressed, apparently so did Taka’s guts, and now here they were with dicks being drawn on white boards.
“What the hell was wrong with Taka?” Yutaka’s breaths were practically nonexistent, and when Yuu looked to the brunette he found tears of joy rolling down his face, cheeks red from the obvious lack of oxygen he was taking in. Yuu knew that if any former classmates actually decided to journey out towards the soccer field, they’d easily be able to hear their laughter from the distance, probably assuming them to be drunk with how obnoxious they sounded. Though, at the moment, Yuu just couldn’t care. He had waited so long to have this kind of moment again. To be free, happy. To sit beside Yutaka and laugh so carelessly. To hear that laughter that sounded angelic and could bring him to the highest of heights. It was riveting, all thoughts of marriage and betrayal erased from his mind, replaced with boisterous laughter and dimples and mile wide smiles alike.
“He was probably trying to prove a point that had something to do with maturity and how the class should’ve been able to continue on properly even with a giant dick sprawled across the board.” Yuu chuckled, setting down the current paper and reaching for the next, only to pause when he felt a set of hands curl around his upper arm, a head resting on his shoulder following soon after.
Yutaka had always been extremely physically affectionate; the sexual trials and tribulations he unintentionally put Yuu through in the month before they began dating very much proof of that. A friendly hug that lasted ten seconds too long, insisting on using his lap as a pillow during lunch and the brunette burying his face against the part of Yuu’s body that became annoyingly sensitive whenever he was around. It was a form of torture that had led him to finally jumping Yutaka in the locker room one day, the pair having been the only two lingering around after school hours since they’d volunteered to clean up the gym equipment; their quick shower to wash off the sweat turning into a drawn out one the moment Yuu’s lips melded onto Yutaka’s own.
His thoughts brought a fire blazing in his stomach, Yutaka’s small embrace no longer feeling innocent. They had too much of a past, had done too much together, for Yuu to completely bypass the intimate gesture and not be affected. The world around him was suddenly slowing; the breeze coming to a pause, the tree branches no longer swaying. All he could feel was the top of Yutaka’s head nuzzle into his neck, feel those hands tighten around his arm as Yutaka made himself comfortable. All he could hear was his once again pounding heart, now grateful that he hadn’t been able to reach for another paper, because now the laughter had stopped and his hands were visibly trembling for another reason.
“Remember when we had that big fight? How Taka basically burst into our math class and kidnapped us and locked us in a closet until we made up?” Yutaka’s laugh died halfway through his question, Yuu able to feel the other’s hesitance. Honestly, Yutaka had probably began asking the question out of pure curiosity alone, wondering if Yuu remembered the event that almost got Takanori expelled from school. But midway through his query, it was apparent he remembered what went on in that closet after they’d sat in there for over two hours talking things through, only to apologize in the way they knew best.
There’d been deep kisses, hands all over each other’s bodies, and the thrill factor that Takanori was right outside, guarding the door and able to hear every single whisper and moan. They’d barely been able to get their pants re-buckled and a quick clean up in before they heard Taka arguing with an adviser outside, breaths still uneven and sweat drenching their bodies when the door came flying open and they were slammed with two weeks of clean up duty for debauching school property.
“I…I remember…” Yuu answered, tilting his head downwards and meeting brown doe eyes. There they were, staring at him with that affection he’d been deprived of for so long, it taking everything in him to not push Yutaka back onto the plush grass and ravish his body just as he had in that janitor’s closet their senior year. “I remember it well.”
The crimson that shot across Yutaka’s cheeks was well noted, the brunette hurriedly pushing himself off of Yuu and putting some distance between them, reaching back into the tin box and smiling at the object he pulled out. “This was Kou’s, wasn’t it?” In his hand was a pocket sized dictionary. Dust coated the entire front cover and the edges were fraying, but with just one quick glance, Yuu was able to verify that, yes, the small book surely was Kouyou’s.
There was never a time throughout their high school career their quiet friend would be seen without it, Kouyou always having been one for literature; forever learning new words to silently insult Akira with.
Reaching a hand out, Yuu grabbed the resource book from Yutaka, their hands brushing together with the small transaction. Both of them stilled for a moment, loosing themselves and the meager amount of control they had to such a simple touch, before Yuu shook himself back to reality. Running his thumbs over the dust and clearing the bold print on the cover, he smiled, turning to Yutaka and answering his question. “Sure is. Kou wouldn’t go anywhere without this. I swear to this day, he was attempting to learn every insult out there so he could totally verbally slaughter Akira and turn him silent for good one day.”
A chuckle. “It would be a relief if he could do that now. Aki’s even worse off than he was in high school. Sometimes, I’m tempted to punch him just so he’ll shut the fuck up.” Yutaka stretched his legs and folded his arms underneath his head, turning his vision to the stars. “I love him, he’s family, but my god, he doesn’t seem to understand the definition of quiet time.”
Yuu tried hard to focus on Yutaka’s words, to form a sentence that could substitute as at least part of a reply, but the brunette’s new found position proved to be nothing but a distraction. Yutaka’s white shirt covered in dirt and sticking to his skin, showing lean muscle on the one part Yuu hadn’t been able to have a proper view of earlier; his abdomen. The sleeves of his shirt tightened drastically with his arms now folded, appearing as a pillow, and Yuu was able to see stretched veins and sinew arches that would have had his teenage mind boiling with lust. He had to keep reminding himself that Yutaka was married. That of all people, Yutaka was married to Akira’s little sister. That those ten years ago Yutaka had uprooted himself from his life with no form of explanation and that the brunette was still dancing around giving him a proper excuse. But it was hard, so damn hard, when all he wanted to do was hold Yutaka close and never let go.
“Do you…do you see Akira often?” Yuu asked. Setting Kouyou’s mini dictionary to the side and trailing his gaze up and down Yutaka’s entire body, the brunette oblivious to his gawking as his eyes were closed and a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
“Hmm, almost every day. Our kids go to the same day care, so we usually pick them up together.”
There was another blow to his heart. Yutaka was married. Yutaka had a kid. He went and built an entire life and left Yuu to drift idly in the unknown, hoping and praying nightly that one day Yutaka would make his way back to him. All those years of buoyant expectance, those sleepless nights where the smallest of noises had him running to the front door, believing Yutaka had finally made his way home. It was all false hope and Yuu could already feel himself begin to sink.
“…Kids?” His question was laced with so much sorrow that, almost as soon as it was out, Yutaka’s eyes shot open, looking at him as if he had just revealed the world’s biggest secret. It was a slip up, there was no other way around it. Yutaka would have continued to leave Yuu in the dark about his son or daughter and Yuu couldn’t possibly figure out why. Was it because he knew the fact would hurt him even more? Did Yutaka actually still care about how he felt? Was Yutaka trying to keep him…safe?
Yutaka sat up, nodding his head and biting his bottom lip, curling his body into a ball and resting his head on his knees. “Y-yeah…Aki has a five year old boy named Ryo and I have a sweet three year old little girl…”
“What’s her name?” Yuu questioned, needing to know and feeling a knot form in his stomach. There were so many a times where he and Yutaka had talked about adopting in the future. They were both naturally good with kids, having even taken on joint babysitting jobs together during school not just for the cash, but because they’d honestly enjoyed being around children; it was almost like a glimpse into the future of what they could’ve had together.
So many school nights of babysitting until well after midnight, of having to walk home near exhausted. There were those times where Yuu would walk Yutaka all the way across town and return him home, leaving him for the evening with a soft kiss to the cheek. Then there were those nights when that walk proved to be too much and Yutaka would call up his parents to tell them that he was working on a school project with a friend; that he would just stay the night at their house. Those nights had proved to be Yuu’s favorite, because it was always certain that he and Yutaka would crawl into his small twin sized bed together and cuddle up close, only to crash within minutes of saying goodnight to each other; Yuu able to wake up the next morning to that warm dazzling smile.
“Yuuki…” A small whisper, forcing Yuu to become uncertain of what to feel.
Should he be honored? Crushed? Should he feel betrayed or loved? Because even if Yutaka’s mind was swiped of every detail of his life, Yuu knows there was no way the brunette could ever forget the conversation they had as they lay entangled in hotel bed sheets, both having just lost their virginity. How his fingers traced Yutaka’s glistening skin and how they’d happily discussed names of their future children. Yuu wanted to name their first child after himself, but Yutaka had wanted only a girl, stating that he knew just what teenage boys were capable thanks to Yuu, joking that if he had to put up with that kind of behavior, he would end up in an early grave.
They had teasingly kissed and rolled around in the cheap hotel room they could barely afford, the water bed Yutaka had been thrilled about sloshing messily around them with each movement. And when Yuu had finally pinned Yutaka back beneath him, when his lips were bruisingly working velvety neck skin and giving the world proof of their forbidden activities, Yuu had suddenly lifted his gaze to meet Yutaka’s own, both panting from the building pleasure, sluggishly suggesting ‘Yuuki’. Yutaka had bellowed out one of his addictive laughs and laced his arms around Yuu’s neck, mumbling an ‘Ok’ before crashing their lips back together; smile never once leaving.
“Yuuki?” Yuu asked and Yutaka looked away, fingers beginning to distractedly play with sharp glades of grass again. The brunette had fallen back into his self-defense mode and Yuu knew the other would try to dodge questions again if he delved in too deep, a thought he couldn’t bear. They’d been having such a nice evening since beginning to dig through the contents of the box and Yuu didn’t want to ruin that. So instead of pushing forward on the topic he swallowed down all his deep seated emotions with force, his next words whispered with a thin layer of serene pain. “That’s a nice name.”
Yutaka glanced back his way, offering a small half smile as his shoulders continued to sulk. “T-thanks,” he mumbled, before reaching across Yuu and grabbing the next object from the box. That small half smile of his quickly morphed into one of full radiance as his hands slid over the bolded print of the near pocket sized trophy in his grip. Without even having to look it over properly, Yuu knew exactly who the pint sized trinket belonged to.
“I swear, it was hell week when Akira won that damn thing,” he chuckled, reaching over and kindly snatching the trophy from Yutaka’s hands. He swirled the gold structure in his hands, looking at it from all angles, before stretching his arms and holding it out and front of him, it now on proper display for both he and Yutaka to see. “Most desirable my ass. I’m still certain he rigged those damn superlative votes to go in his favor.”
Yutaka giggled hard, a barely noticeable snort escaping him and turning the smile up on Yuu’s lips even more. “Yuu, we went to a school that was like 90 percent girls…do you really think Akira’s bad ass attitude wouldn’t attract them? I think it’s safe to say he won his votes fair and square.” he grabbed back the trophy, grinning at it delightfully.
“You’re only saying that because you had a mad crush on him just like all the rest of the girls.” Yuu chided mockingly, remembering well how flustered Yutaka had become around Akira every time their chatty friend would teasingly ruffle his hair.
“That’s because he was the only one nice to me when I first transferred here!” Yutaka’s laugher continued to echo throughout the starry night, his entire body trembling in joy. The trophy now lay by his side and Yuu simply stared, Yutaka still forever that teenage boy he fell so deeply in love with within four months after his transfer.
From the very moment he had laid his eyes on Yutaka, Yuu knew there was something special about him. Everything about him was pure. His excessive niceness, the way he put everybody else’s needs before his own. Yutaka was adamant, even going as far as pushing himself to near exhaustion to make sure those held closest to him were getting the attention he deemed necessary. If someone from their close knit group fell ill, Yutaka would push aside his studies and dote on them with warm soup and cold wash clothes until their fever began to die down. If someone needed to borrow money, he would give them everything he had and plus some, even going as far as searching through the cracks of couches and floorboards to find any excess change. And Yuu strictly remembers the first time he ever saw a crack in that pureness. He remembers watching that smile slowly die down and the brunette turning silent, his heart broken when he realized Akira would forever treat him only as a little brother and nothing more. It was from that moment Yuu knew he had to put an end to his shenanigans; that he could no longer tease Yutaka in his boyish ways of showing affection. He had to put an end to it all, finally prove to the cheery brunette that his words of distaste were used as a mask of his own to hide the fumbling feeling’s he’d felt since Yutaka had transferred.
“Hey, I had to be a dick. I was a boy and I thought you were cute; being nice just wasn’t an option.” Yuu snorted, amused. Everything had changed for the better after he started treating Yutaka as an actual friend. There were more amiable touches, Yutaka opened up around him more, laughed more.
“You thought I was…cute?” And Yuu couldn’t really blame Yutaka for questioning his statement. After they’d started dating, Yuu would constantly remind Yutaka just how adorable he found him to be. He would complement him and practically drown him in love even within the weeks leading up to their actual relationship beginning…but anything before that? Nothing but friendly insults, ending in Yutaka replying with a nervous chuckle, really unsure as to how to respond.
“Yeah…why else would I have asked you out?” Yuu asked. Picking up the small trophy, he stood it upright by the tin box, and when he turned his vision back on Yutaka he found reminiscing doe eyes staring right back at him.
“I thought…I just thought you felt bad for me…” Yutaka rubbed the back of his head nervously, an unsure smile spreading across his lips. Yuu was reminded of the days when Yutaka acted cautious around him, it becoming something extremely unsettling in the pit of his stomach. Yes, when the whole Akira situation went down, Yuu had felt sorry for Yutaka…but that wasn’t the reason he changed how he acted towards him. He saw Yutaka’s crush on Akira slowly dwindle away down to nothing, acceptance taking over that they could never be, and that’s when Yuu had spotted his opportune moment. If Yutaka’s feelings for Akira had died down, that meant he finally had a chance with the peacekeeper of their rowdy group. Wanting to erase the current unleveled expression from the brunette’s face, Yuu lifted his hand and squeezed the other’s shoulder, offering an amused grin.
“Yutaka…remember how you were surprised that you actually received one vote for the freshmen superlatives at the end of our first year…?”
“Y-yeah…It was for best smile.” Yutaka showed just why it was he received that vote, a grin that displayed those pearly whites and deepened his single dimple appearing on his still youthful features.
Yuu chuckled, squeezing his hand tighter around Yutaka’s shoulder, bringing their stares to match. A short moment of tense quiet lamented their surroundings as they took one another in, and then Yuu finally uttered, “I was that one vote…”
Yutaka’s mouth opened and closed a few times, words forming only to get swallowed. When Yuu’s hand unconsciously slid down his shoulder and rested lightly against the brunette’s waist, his face scrunched up into confusion; forehead wrinkling and eyes squinting. “But before we went out you always told me I smiled too much and that it was irritating…”
“Yeah, but that was because your smile…affected me….” his words were out before he could even stop them, easily able to feel Yutaka’s body tense after his sudden confession.
He went to pull his hand away, to break any and all contact between them before things became too awkward and they couldn’t go back to that peaceful atmosphere they were both experiencing earlier…but the moment he went to remove his hand, he felt familiar fingers wrap around his wrist. When he nervously looked up into Yutaka’s eyes he saw mischievousness dancing behind mocha, an elfin grin across thin lips. “Are you trying to say my smile made you hard?”
Yuu’s face flushed and he ripped his wrist from Yutaka’s hold, smiling shyly as he laced his fingers together in order to now keep his hands to himself.
“I practically had to run home after school every day to fix my little problem…” He answered honestly, still somewhat embarrassed at Yutaka’s rather vulgar question. Here he’d been thinking that almost nothing had changed all these years, that Yutaka was one in the same. But the Yutaka he knew would never speak like that. He’d been shy and almost afraid to express his desires…but this Yutaka? He was bold and allowed his words and presence to carry a sexual aura, something Yuu concluded only made the brunette all the more desirable; sending his heart back racing and body humming.
“Your problem wasn’t anywhere near little, trust me.”
As soon as this new side to Yutaka had appeared it had just as quickly diminished, the brunette’s doe eyes widening even larger than usual and face paling as he realized words he obviously meant to keep to himself were now out in the open. Yuu’s raging fit of emotions only intensified; getting to see both the new and the old Yutaka sending his body a crazed. Neither of the pair new exactly what to say; Yutaka too flustered and Yuu too busy trying to control his mess of sensibility, so an uncanny silence breached the air, one Yuu was grateful that Yutaka decided to timidly break. “Yuu…why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?” He asked, referring to all the new information Yuu had dumped on him in the last few minutes.
Yuu sighed. “Because it wasn’t important.”
“Why not?” Yutaka asked softly, placing a warm palm over Yuu’s laced together hands, sending Yuu’s heart rampart.
Yuu froze under the touch, simply watching Yutaka’s dirt covered hand lay over his own, the affectionate gesture reminding him of how they once were…of how much he craved to have this again. Hooded eyes remained downcast, a fire burning inside as that damn ring came back into view and taunted him. “Because once you agreed to go out with me, I figured nothing from the past would matter…”
“Why’s that?” Yutaka’s grip became firmer.
Yuu swallowed hard, finally tearing his gaze from their connected hands. Looking at Yutaka, tears of every emotion he’d been holding back for the last decade watered behind his dark irises, refusing to let them fall as he spoke in a near whisper. “Because I saw you as my only future…”
He didn’t want Yutaka to notice how hard their conversation hit him, but he knew it was inevitable; Yutaka always the observer. Yutaka was supposed to be with him. They should’ve shown up to this reunion together tonight, holding hands and greeting their friends with deep-seated smiles. But instead they had shown up one at a time, the loneliness Yuu had been suffering these past ten years reaching such a point of agony when he realized he would’ve waited another ten years to be in Yutaka’s presence again. If that were the case, it all would have been all the more heart wrenching, knowing instead of just one kid Yutaka had it would be five, giving Yutaka four more reasons to never want anything to do with him again.
He could see the weary emotion in the brunette’s eyes, Yuu wanting nothing more than the reach over and envelope him in an embrace; more for his own selfish needs than anything. Yutaka was doing a better job at keeping his tears to himself this go around, sniffling a quick sniffle before turning his back to Yuu and rubbing at his eyes. When he turned back around his eyes were swollen, but that was really the only lingering trace that tears had ever formed, another sheepish smile on his lips becoming his new mask. “Let’s finish going through this, alright?” He tapped the corner of the box and Yuu nodded numbly, reaching forward and taking a flimsy Polaroid out.
Yuu tittered upon scanning the picture, instantly recognizing it as his contribution to the time capsule. Eyes scrunching up, the streams he’d been holding back finally fell, not even bringing himself to care anymore. “I used to hate this picture so much.” Using his sleeve to wipe away the evidence of misery, handing the portrait off to Yutaka and listening as he chuckled softly.
If looked upon by anyone else’s eyes who wasn’t in their small group, the picture would have looked quite simple. There the group was, by the very same sakura tree Yuu and Yutaka now sat by, each adding their own personal quirk to the image. Kouyou was off in a far corner working on some homework, Taka was laid on his back with his face to the sun; bold glasses taking up his entire face. Only half of Akira’s head had made it into the picture; the chatterbox having been the one to take the picture at such an odd angle, and then there was Yuu. He sat with music sheets in his lap, biting the tip of a pen, his watch fixedly placed on Yutaka who sat a few steps away from him. The brunette’s head was thrown back in laughter and he honestly looked down right ridiculous, yet the way Yuu gazed at him was almost indescribable. Under the frustration he wore for being unable to complete the assignment for his music appreciation class, there was a look of understanding and want, a look that was meant for only Yutaka. The snapshot had captured him looking almost weak and vulnerable, his emotions on full display. The second pair of best friends and his own had noticed his raw desire the second the Polaroid had cleared, beginning to laugh and tease him. But then there was Yutaka who, although usually observant, seemed to be nothing but aloof that day.
“This is from before we started dating, right?” Yutaka asked, running his thumbs over the glossy surface, refusing to take his eyes off the image.
Yuu cleared his throat and wiped off his face again, determined to veil his feelings but knowing Yutaka noticed the very moment those tears started back up when he became persistent in sending him worried looks. Sending off a reassuring smile, he softly said, “It was actually that vey we-”
“Shared our first kiss…” Yutaka completed, sounding as if he were in a trance.
And it was that very reason Yuu had despised the image so much. It was a love-hate relationship he had with this picture – just as he now did with Yutaka. He loved what it represented; the start to what he thought to be the rest of his life, but he hated that it had all been nothing but lies.
But still, he never regretted placing the image in the box. Because although holding onto his love for Yutaka is what destroyed him for this past decade, it’s also the very thing that kept him going.
“Yeah…” Yuu didn’t really know what to say, feeling drained of all energy and tried of Yutaka’s games. They went from friendly, to overly friendly, to nothing but tense far too many times this evening, leaving Yuu mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.
He was so far gone, he didn’t even register Yutaka’s hand curl itself around his cheek until they were facing each other, foreheads near touching. They gawked deep, memories of the past silently passing between them. That hand around his cheek slid up to the back of his hair and pressed their faces closer, so close each could feel the tears trailing down their cheeks combine. Their breathing became heavy, heads naturally titling, and before Yuu could stop Yutaka, he allowed him to close that fractional distance between them, their lips meeting for the first time in ten years.
Forbidden was the first word to come to Yuu’s mind. The way Yutaka was slowly moving lips over his still ones, moistening his mouth with desperation for the needy intimate touch. The little hums he made as he continued to move, losing himself in the act even as Yuu sat there despondent. Yutaka’s eyes fluttered shut and Yuu could feel his eyelashes against his cheek, feeling a tongue prod at the scar on his lip and hearing Yutaka mumble a plead breaking his stagnant façade. He slowly shifted his hands to Yutaka’s shoulders and griped tight, pulling him closer. Eyes shutting as he opened his mouth and began to respond, body about to burst.
He never thought he would feel this sensation again. Yutaka’s lips were still just as soft, they even tasted exactly the same. Something sweet with a slight mixture of iron, Yutaka always having been one to bite his lips when worried, happy, or even sad. Yuu’s body was shaking. His grip on Yutaka was loosening, unable to keep hold due to trembling hands. But Yutaka’s grasp remained strong, twisting in his hair and bringing them closer, tongue slipping between Yuu’s lips and beginning to explore.
Yuu groaned, following Yutaka’s movements and allowing their tongues to tangle. He knew the right thing to do would be to push Yutaka away, but raw need easily out did what was right, Yuu’s body now eager to respond. All the times they’d been together had always been intense, but this languid, heated kiss outdid everything. Because now Yuu was certain Yutaka had missed him desperately all these years, was certain from this point forward that things would change drastically.
His trembling hands fell to Yutaka’s thighs, massaging lightly, and that’s when their heated contact came to an end. Yutaka practically ripped their lips apart, a thin string of saliva and their labored breathing proof that what had just happened wasn’t due to Yuu’s vivid imagination.
Yuu needed to understand what was going on more than anything, but he was too afraid to speak upon taking in Yutaka’s almost terrified features. He knew the brunette was just now taking in full what he’d just done, and Yuu was waiting for that crushing moment where Yutaka would up and run and he would never see him again. So he sat there with his hands still on the other’s thighs, wanting to remember every touch and feel, trying to control his breathing that was only worsening due to the rapid anxiety he felt building within.
“Yuu…” he began shutting down, readying himself for that deathly blow. Yutaka grabbed his shoulders and pushed him up, slowly rubbing the pads of his fingers under clenched shut eyes, silently begging Yuu to open them. “I—the last item in the box is mine…it’s a video.” Yuu was confused and curious, but still he couldn’t bring himself to look directly at the brunette, his soft voice wanting to be something he left untainted. “I’ve always planned to watch it with you and that’s obviously something we can’t do out here…so…” Yutaka paused, brushing his lips back against Yuu’s before whispering, “Come back to my hotel room with me?”
Yuu’s eyes shot open as soon as he no longer felt Yutaka’s touch, spying the other sat back on his haunches and giving him a smile that spoke so much more than his words. He didn’t know what to say, what to do, so he just sat there, watching as Yutaka stood and began gathering their items of reminisce back into the tin box. After that kiss, he knew following Yutaka back to his hotel room was the wrong choice. Yutaka had broken his heart and stomped on it repeatedly. He was married with a kid, had an entire life that Yuu was no longer a part of. They were practically strangers with nothing but a past…but that past drove their emotions strong and there was no doubt what would happen if they both stepped foot into that hotel room.
“You coming?” Yutaka asked innocently over his shoulder, the box stuffed away under his arm as he began walking back towards the soccer field that could be cut across to reach the parking lot.
Throwing all caution to the wind, deciding he’d let himself be happy even if only for this one night, Yuu stood. He allowed Yutaka to walk a few more meters in front of him, watching him step across the plush green. With an empty mind, he allowed all tension to leave his body, licking his lips and tasting the brunette, beginning to quickly cross the field.
When he reached the cross section that led either to the parking lot or the path to the city streets, he paused to heavily weigh his decisions. If he turned left, he would be walking away from it all, be able to live his life in the monotone silence he has all these years. But if he turned right…he would be walking into the future he’s always wanted. It would be short lived, possibly lasting only a few hours, but at least he’d finally get a taste of a decade’s worth of desire.
A blare echoed, breaking his train of thoughts and forcing Yuu to turn his head towards the right. There Yutaka stood, half way in his car, hand obviously on the horn. A light smile was there and he was practically begging Yuu with his mocha eyes to get in; a sense of desperation shining through his radiant expression.
And it was then Yuu’s decision was finally cemented.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he strode across the small barrier, finally making it to Yutaka’s car. They stared at one another seriously over the top before their lips quirked into smiles, each man taking their respective seats in the vehicle before silently driving off into the night.
next part
Chapter: Part II/III
Author:
bite_to_all136Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Slice of Life
Overall Warnings: Infidelity, Language, Smut
Rating: NC-17 (overall)
Band(s): the GazettE
Pairings/Characters: Aoi & Kai, mentioned Ruki, Reita, Uruha
Summary: A decade old promise between friends reunites Yuu with the one person he’d been trying his hardest to forget.
Notes: A fill for the shattered dream/goal on the angst/fluff bingo card
krasivayadusha created for me :)Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, only the mediocre story line.
Previous Parts:(Part I)
“Three days of ISS for drawing male genitalia on the white board with permanent marker.” Yuu was barely able to read the sentence out loud, his strong laughter interrupting every other word as his hand turned up to cover his full mouth. Yutaka next to him was laughing just as hard, their bodies doubling over in joy and brushing against each other. Mind completely free from earlier foreboding thoughts, Yuu felt like a teenager again, the faded paper trembling almost violently in his hand as he continued to laugh.
Upon opening the box which had been sealed for over a decade, the first thing the pair of matching mocha eyes fell upon was a clear plastic Ziploc bag, stretched a few inches thick due to the amount of paper shoved inside. Without even having to pick up the bag, Yuu already began laughing, instantly recognizing it as the mound of detention slips Taka had insisted on putting in the night of their graduation.
Without a doubt, Yutaka recommended they read through each and every one of them, and for the past half an hour that’s exactly what they’d done. The slips started out almost innocently; two days of lunch detention for skipping class, after school work detail for not turning in classwork. But as the years progressed, apparently so did Taka’s guts, and now here they were with dicks being drawn on white boards.
“What the hell was wrong with Taka?” Yutaka’s breaths were practically nonexistent, and when Yuu looked to the brunette he found tears of joy rolling down his face, cheeks red from the obvious lack of oxygen he was taking in. Yuu knew that if any former classmates actually decided to journey out towards the soccer field, they’d easily be able to hear their laughter from the distance, probably assuming them to be drunk with how obnoxious they sounded. Though, at the moment, Yuu just couldn’t care. He had waited so long to have this kind of moment again. To be free, happy. To sit beside Yutaka and laugh so carelessly. To hear that laughter that sounded angelic and could bring him to the highest of heights. It was riveting, all thoughts of marriage and betrayal erased from his mind, replaced with boisterous laughter and dimples and mile wide smiles alike.
“He was probably trying to prove a point that had something to do with maturity and how the class should’ve been able to continue on properly even with a giant dick sprawled across the board.” Yuu chuckled, setting down the current paper and reaching for the next, only to pause when he felt a set of hands curl around his upper arm, a head resting on his shoulder following soon after.
Yutaka had always been extremely physically affectionate; the sexual trials and tribulations he unintentionally put Yuu through in the month before they began dating very much proof of that. A friendly hug that lasted ten seconds too long, insisting on using his lap as a pillow during lunch and the brunette burying his face against the part of Yuu’s body that became annoyingly sensitive whenever he was around. It was a form of torture that had led him to finally jumping Yutaka in the locker room one day, the pair having been the only two lingering around after school hours since they’d volunteered to clean up the gym equipment; their quick shower to wash off the sweat turning into a drawn out one the moment Yuu’s lips melded onto Yutaka’s own.
His thoughts brought a fire blazing in his stomach, Yutaka’s small embrace no longer feeling innocent. They had too much of a past, had done too much together, for Yuu to completely bypass the intimate gesture and not be affected. The world around him was suddenly slowing; the breeze coming to a pause, the tree branches no longer swaying. All he could feel was the top of Yutaka’s head nuzzle into his neck, feel those hands tighten around his arm as Yutaka made himself comfortable. All he could hear was his once again pounding heart, now grateful that he hadn’t been able to reach for another paper, because now the laughter had stopped and his hands were visibly trembling for another reason.
“Remember when we had that big fight? How Taka basically burst into our math class and kidnapped us and locked us in a closet until we made up?” Yutaka’s laugh died halfway through his question, Yuu able to feel the other’s hesitance. Honestly, Yutaka had probably began asking the question out of pure curiosity alone, wondering if Yuu remembered the event that almost got Takanori expelled from school. But midway through his query, it was apparent he remembered what went on in that closet after they’d sat in there for over two hours talking things through, only to apologize in the way they knew best.
There’d been deep kisses, hands all over each other’s bodies, and the thrill factor that Takanori was right outside, guarding the door and able to hear every single whisper and moan. They’d barely been able to get their pants re-buckled and a quick clean up in before they heard Taka arguing with an adviser outside, breaths still uneven and sweat drenching their bodies when the door came flying open and they were slammed with two weeks of clean up duty for debauching school property.
“I…I remember…” Yuu answered, tilting his head downwards and meeting brown doe eyes. There they were, staring at him with that affection he’d been deprived of for so long, it taking everything in him to not push Yutaka back onto the plush grass and ravish his body just as he had in that janitor’s closet their senior year. “I remember it well.”
The crimson that shot across Yutaka’s cheeks was well noted, the brunette hurriedly pushing himself off of Yuu and putting some distance between them, reaching back into the tin box and smiling at the object he pulled out. “This was Kou’s, wasn’t it?” In his hand was a pocket sized dictionary. Dust coated the entire front cover and the edges were fraying, but with just one quick glance, Yuu was able to verify that, yes, the small book surely was Kouyou’s.
There was never a time throughout their high school career their quiet friend would be seen without it, Kouyou always having been one for literature; forever learning new words to silently insult Akira with.
Reaching a hand out, Yuu grabbed the resource book from Yutaka, their hands brushing together with the small transaction. Both of them stilled for a moment, loosing themselves and the meager amount of control they had to such a simple touch, before Yuu shook himself back to reality. Running his thumbs over the dust and clearing the bold print on the cover, he smiled, turning to Yutaka and answering his question. “Sure is. Kou wouldn’t go anywhere without this. I swear to this day, he was attempting to learn every insult out there so he could totally verbally slaughter Akira and turn him silent for good one day.”
A chuckle. “It would be a relief if he could do that now. Aki’s even worse off than he was in high school. Sometimes, I’m tempted to punch him just so he’ll shut the fuck up.” Yutaka stretched his legs and folded his arms underneath his head, turning his vision to the stars. “I love him, he’s family, but my god, he doesn’t seem to understand the definition of quiet time.”
Yuu tried hard to focus on Yutaka’s words, to form a sentence that could substitute as at least part of a reply, but the brunette’s new found position proved to be nothing but a distraction. Yutaka’s white shirt covered in dirt and sticking to his skin, showing lean muscle on the one part Yuu hadn’t been able to have a proper view of earlier; his abdomen. The sleeves of his shirt tightened drastically with his arms now folded, appearing as a pillow, and Yuu was able to see stretched veins and sinew arches that would have had his teenage mind boiling with lust. He had to keep reminding himself that Yutaka was married. That of all people, Yutaka was married to Akira’s little sister. That those ten years ago Yutaka had uprooted himself from his life with no form of explanation and that the brunette was still dancing around giving him a proper excuse. But it was hard, so damn hard, when all he wanted to do was hold Yutaka close and never let go.
“Do you…do you see Akira often?” Yuu asked. Setting Kouyou’s mini dictionary to the side and trailing his gaze up and down Yutaka’s entire body, the brunette oblivious to his gawking as his eyes were closed and a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
“Hmm, almost every day. Our kids go to the same day care, so we usually pick them up together.”
There was another blow to his heart. Yutaka was married. Yutaka had a kid. He went and built an entire life and left Yuu to drift idly in the unknown, hoping and praying nightly that one day Yutaka would make his way back to him. All those years of buoyant expectance, those sleepless nights where the smallest of noises had him running to the front door, believing Yutaka had finally made his way home. It was all false hope and Yuu could already feel himself begin to sink.
“…Kids?” His question was laced with so much sorrow that, almost as soon as it was out, Yutaka’s eyes shot open, looking at him as if he had just revealed the world’s biggest secret. It was a slip up, there was no other way around it. Yutaka would have continued to leave Yuu in the dark about his son or daughter and Yuu couldn’t possibly figure out why. Was it because he knew the fact would hurt him even more? Did Yutaka actually still care about how he felt? Was Yutaka trying to keep him…safe?
Yutaka sat up, nodding his head and biting his bottom lip, curling his body into a ball and resting his head on his knees. “Y-yeah…Aki has a five year old boy named Ryo and I have a sweet three year old little girl…”
“What’s her name?” Yuu questioned, needing to know and feeling a knot form in his stomach. There were so many a times where he and Yutaka had talked about adopting in the future. They were both naturally good with kids, having even taken on joint babysitting jobs together during school not just for the cash, but because they’d honestly enjoyed being around children; it was almost like a glimpse into the future of what they could’ve had together.
So many school nights of babysitting until well after midnight, of having to walk home near exhausted. There were those times where Yuu would walk Yutaka all the way across town and return him home, leaving him for the evening with a soft kiss to the cheek. Then there were those nights when that walk proved to be too much and Yutaka would call up his parents to tell them that he was working on a school project with a friend; that he would just stay the night at their house. Those nights had proved to be Yuu’s favorite, because it was always certain that he and Yutaka would crawl into his small twin sized bed together and cuddle up close, only to crash within minutes of saying goodnight to each other; Yuu able to wake up the next morning to that warm dazzling smile.
“Yuuki…” A small whisper, forcing Yuu to become uncertain of what to feel.
Should he be honored? Crushed? Should he feel betrayed or loved? Because even if Yutaka’s mind was swiped of every detail of his life, Yuu knows there was no way the brunette could ever forget the conversation they had as they lay entangled in hotel bed sheets, both having just lost their virginity. How his fingers traced Yutaka’s glistening skin and how they’d happily discussed names of their future children. Yuu wanted to name their first child after himself, but Yutaka had wanted only a girl, stating that he knew just what teenage boys were capable thanks to Yuu, joking that if he had to put up with that kind of behavior, he would end up in an early grave.
They had teasingly kissed and rolled around in the cheap hotel room they could barely afford, the water bed Yutaka had been thrilled about sloshing messily around them with each movement. And when Yuu had finally pinned Yutaka back beneath him, when his lips were bruisingly working velvety neck skin and giving the world proof of their forbidden activities, Yuu had suddenly lifted his gaze to meet Yutaka’s own, both panting from the building pleasure, sluggishly suggesting ‘Yuuki’. Yutaka had bellowed out one of his addictive laughs and laced his arms around Yuu’s neck, mumbling an ‘Ok’ before crashing their lips back together; smile never once leaving.
“Yuuki?” Yuu asked and Yutaka looked away, fingers beginning to distractedly play with sharp glades of grass again. The brunette had fallen back into his self-defense mode and Yuu knew the other would try to dodge questions again if he delved in too deep, a thought he couldn’t bear. They’d been having such a nice evening since beginning to dig through the contents of the box and Yuu didn’t want to ruin that. So instead of pushing forward on the topic he swallowed down all his deep seated emotions with force, his next words whispered with a thin layer of serene pain. “That’s a nice name.”
Yutaka glanced back his way, offering a small half smile as his shoulders continued to sulk. “T-thanks,” he mumbled, before reaching across Yuu and grabbing the next object from the box. That small half smile of his quickly morphed into one of full radiance as his hands slid over the bolded print of the near pocket sized trophy in his grip. Without even having to look it over properly, Yuu knew exactly who the pint sized trinket belonged to.
“I swear, it was hell week when Akira won that damn thing,” he chuckled, reaching over and kindly snatching the trophy from Yutaka’s hands. He swirled the gold structure in his hands, looking at it from all angles, before stretching his arms and holding it out and front of him, it now on proper display for both he and Yutaka to see. “Most desirable my ass. I’m still certain he rigged those damn superlative votes to go in his favor.”
Yutaka giggled hard, a barely noticeable snort escaping him and turning the smile up on Yuu’s lips even more. “Yuu, we went to a school that was like 90 percent girls…do you really think Akira’s bad ass attitude wouldn’t attract them? I think it’s safe to say he won his votes fair and square.” he grabbed back the trophy, grinning at it delightfully.
“You’re only saying that because you had a mad crush on him just like all the rest of the girls.” Yuu chided mockingly, remembering well how flustered Yutaka had become around Akira every time their chatty friend would teasingly ruffle his hair.
“That’s because he was the only one nice to me when I first transferred here!” Yutaka’s laugher continued to echo throughout the starry night, his entire body trembling in joy. The trophy now lay by his side and Yuu simply stared, Yutaka still forever that teenage boy he fell so deeply in love with within four months after his transfer.
From the very moment he had laid his eyes on Yutaka, Yuu knew there was something special about him. Everything about him was pure. His excessive niceness, the way he put everybody else’s needs before his own. Yutaka was adamant, even going as far as pushing himself to near exhaustion to make sure those held closest to him were getting the attention he deemed necessary. If someone from their close knit group fell ill, Yutaka would push aside his studies and dote on them with warm soup and cold wash clothes until their fever began to die down. If someone needed to borrow money, he would give them everything he had and plus some, even going as far as searching through the cracks of couches and floorboards to find any excess change. And Yuu strictly remembers the first time he ever saw a crack in that pureness. He remembers watching that smile slowly die down and the brunette turning silent, his heart broken when he realized Akira would forever treat him only as a little brother and nothing more. It was from that moment Yuu knew he had to put an end to his shenanigans; that he could no longer tease Yutaka in his boyish ways of showing affection. He had to put an end to it all, finally prove to the cheery brunette that his words of distaste were used as a mask of his own to hide the fumbling feeling’s he’d felt since Yutaka had transferred.
“Hey, I had to be a dick. I was a boy and I thought you were cute; being nice just wasn’t an option.” Yuu snorted, amused. Everything had changed for the better after he started treating Yutaka as an actual friend. There were more amiable touches, Yutaka opened up around him more, laughed more.
“You thought I was…cute?” And Yuu couldn’t really blame Yutaka for questioning his statement. After they’d started dating, Yuu would constantly remind Yutaka just how adorable he found him to be. He would complement him and practically drown him in love even within the weeks leading up to their actual relationship beginning…but anything before that? Nothing but friendly insults, ending in Yutaka replying with a nervous chuckle, really unsure as to how to respond.
“Yeah…why else would I have asked you out?” Yuu asked. Picking up the small trophy, he stood it upright by the tin box, and when he turned his vision back on Yutaka he found reminiscing doe eyes staring right back at him.
“I thought…I just thought you felt bad for me…” Yutaka rubbed the back of his head nervously, an unsure smile spreading across his lips. Yuu was reminded of the days when Yutaka acted cautious around him, it becoming something extremely unsettling in the pit of his stomach. Yes, when the whole Akira situation went down, Yuu had felt sorry for Yutaka…but that wasn’t the reason he changed how he acted towards him. He saw Yutaka’s crush on Akira slowly dwindle away down to nothing, acceptance taking over that they could never be, and that’s when Yuu had spotted his opportune moment. If Yutaka’s feelings for Akira had died down, that meant he finally had a chance with the peacekeeper of their rowdy group. Wanting to erase the current unleveled expression from the brunette’s face, Yuu lifted his hand and squeezed the other’s shoulder, offering an amused grin.
“Yutaka…remember how you were surprised that you actually received one vote for the freshmen superlatives at the end of our first year…?”
“Y-yeah…It was for best smile.” Yutaka showed just why it was he received that vote, a grin that displayed those pearly whites and deepened his single dimple appearing on his still youthful features.
Yuu chuckled, squeezing his hand tighter around Yutaka’s shoulder, bringing their stares to match. A short moment of tense quiet lamented their surroundings as they took one another in, and then Yuu finally uttered, “I was that one vote…”
Yutaka’s mouth opened and closed a few times, words forming only to get swallowed. When Yuu’s hand unconsciously slid down his shoulder and rested lightly against the brunette’s waist, his face scrunched up into confusion; forehead wrinkling and eyes squinting. “But before we went out you always told me I smiled too much and that it was irritating…”
“Yeah, but that was because your smile…affected me….” his words were out before he could even stop them, easily able to feel Yutaka’s body tense after his sudden confession.
He went to pull his hand away, to break any and all contact between them before things became too awkward and they couldn’t go back to that peaceful atmosphere they were both experiencing earlier…but the moment he went to remove his hand, he felt familiar fingers wrap around his wrist. When he nervously looked up into Yutaka’s eyes he saw mischievousness dancing behind mocha, an elfin grin across thin lips. “Are you trying to say my smile made you hard?”
Yuu’s face flushed and he ripped his wrist from Yutaka’s hold, smiling shyly as he laced his fingers together in order to now keep his hands to himself.
“I practically had to run home after school every day to fix my little problem…” He answered honestly, still somewhat embarrassed at Yutaka’s rather vulgar question. Here he’d been thinking that almost nothing had changed all these years, that Yutaka was one in the same. But the Yutaka he knew would never speak like that. He’d been shy and almost afraid to express his desires…but this Yutaka? He was bold and allowed his words and presence to carry a sexual aura, something Yuu concluded only made the brunette all the more desirable; sending his heart back racing and body humming.
“Your problem wasn’t anywhere near little, trust me.”
As soon as this new side to Yutaka had appeared it had just as quickly diminished, the brunette’s doe eyes widening even larger than usual and face paling as he realized words he obviously meant to keep to himself were now out in the open. Yuu’s raging fit of emotions only intensified; getting to see both the new and the old Yutaka sending his body a crazed. Neither of the pair new exactly what to say; Yutaka too flustered and Yuu too busy trying to control his mess of sensibility, so an uncanny silence breached the air, one Yuu was grateful that Yutaka decided to timidly break. “Yuu…why didn’t you ever tell me any of this?” He asked, referring to all the new information Yuu had dumped on him in the last few minutes.
Yuu sighed. “Because it wasn’t important.”
“Why not?” Yutaka asked softly, placing a warm palm over Yuu’s laced together hands, sending Yuu’s heart rampart.
Yuu froze under the touch, simply watching Yutaka’s dirt covered hand lay over his own, the affectionate gesture reminding him of how they once were…of how much he craved to have this again. Hooded eyes remained downcast, a fire burning inside as that damn ring came back into view and taunted him. “Because once you agreed to go out with me, I figured nothing from the past would matter…”
“Why’s that?” Yutaka’s grip became firmer.
Yuu swallowed hard, finally tearing his gaze from their connected hands. Looking at Yutaka, tears of every emotion he’d been holding back for the last decade watered behind his dark irises, refusing to let them fall as he spoke in a near whisper. “Because I saw you as my only future…”
He didn’t want Yutaka to notice how hard their conversation hit him, but he knew it was inevitable; Yutaka always the observer. Yutaka was supposed to be with him. They should’ve shown up to this reunion together tonight, holding hands and greeting their friends with deep-seated smiles. But instead they had shown up one at a time, the loneliness Yuu had been suffering these past ten years reaching such a point of agony when he realized he would’ve waited another ten years to be in Yutaka’s presence again. If that were the case, it all would have been all the more heart wrenching, knowing instead of just one kid Yutaka had it would be five, giving Yutaka four more reasons to never want anything to do with him again.
He could see the weary emotion in the brunette’s eyes, Yuu wanting nothing more than the reach over and envelope him in an embrace; more for his own selfish needs than anything. Yutaka was doing a better job at keeping his tears to himself this go around, sniffling a quick sniffle before turning his back to Yuu and rubbing at his eyes. When he turned back around his eyes were swollen, but that was really the only lingering trace that tears had ever formed, another sheepish smile on his lips becoming his new mask. “Let’s finish going through this, alright?” He tapped the corner of the box and Yuu nodded numbly, reaching forward and taking a flimsy Polaroid out.
Yuu tittered upon scanning the picture, instantly recognizing it as his contribution to the time capsule. Eyes scrunching up, the streams he’d been holding back finally fell, not even bringing himself to care anymore. “I used to hate this picture so much.” Using his sleeve to wipe away the evidence of misery, handing the portrait off to Yutaka and listening as he chuckled softly.
If looked upon by anyone else’s eyes who wasn’t in their small group, the picture would have looked quite simple. There the group was, by the very same sakura tree Yuu and Yutaka now sat by, each adding their own personal quirk to the image. Kouyou was off in a far corner working on some homework, Taka was laid on his back with his face to the sun; bold glasses taking up his entire face. Only half of Akira’s head had made it into the picture; the chatterbox having been the one to take the picture at such an odd angle, and then there was Yuu. He sat with music sheets in his lap, biting the tip of a pen, his watch fixedly placed on Yutaka who sat a few steps away from him. The brunette’s head was thrown back in laughter and he honestly looked down right ridiculous, yet the way Yuu gazed at him was almost indescribable. Under the frustration he wore for being unable to complete the assignment for his music appreciation class, there was a look of understanding and want, a look that was meant for only Yutaka. The snapshot had captured him looking almost weak and vulnerable, his emotions on full display. The second pair of best friends and his own had noticed his raw desire the second the Polaroid had cleared, beginning to laugh and tease him. But then there was Yutaka who, although usually observant, seemed to be nothing but aloof that day.
“This is from before we started dating, right?” Yutaka asked, running his thumbs over the glossy surface, refusing to take his eyes off the image.
Yuu cleared his throat and wiped off his face again, determined to veil his feelings but knowing Yutaka noticed the very moment those tears started back up when he became persistent in sending him worried looks. Sending off a reassuring smile, he softly said, “It was actually that vey we-”
“Shared our first kiss…” Yutaka completed, sounding as if he were in a trance.
And it was that very reason Yuu had despised the image so much. It was a love-hate relationship he had with this picture – just as he now did with Yutaka. He loved what it represented; the start to what he thought to be the rest of his life, but he hated that it had all been nothing but lies.
But still, he never regretted placing the image in the box. Because although holding onto his love for Yutaka is what destroyed him for this past decade, it’s also the very thing that kept him going.
“Yeah…” Yuu didn’t really know what to say, feeling drained of all energy and tried of Yutaka’s games. They went from friendly, to overly friendly, to nothing but tense far too many times this evening, leaving Yuu mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.
He was so far gone, he didn’t even register Yutaka’s hand curl itself around his cheek until they were facing each other, foreheads near touching. They gawked deep, memories of the past silently passing between them. That hand around his cheek slid up to the back of his hair and pressed their faces closer, so close each could feel the tears trailing down their cheeks combine. Their breathing became heavy, heads naturally titling, and before Yuu could stop Yutaka, he allowed him to close that fractional distance between them, their lips meeting for the first time in ten years.
Forbidden was the first word to come to Yuu’s mind. The way Yutaka was slowly moving lips over his still ones, moistening his mouth with desperation for the needy intimate touch. The little hums he made as he continued to move, losing himself in the act even as Yuu sat there despondent. Yutaka’s eyes fluttered shut and Yuu could feel his eyelashes against his cheek, feeling a tongue prod at the scar on his lip and hearing Yutaka mumble a plead breaking his stagnant façade. He slowly shifted his hands to Yutaka’s shoulders and griped tight, pulling him closer. Eyes shutting as he opened his mouth and began to respond, body about to burst.
He never thought he would feel this sensation again. Yutaka’s lips were still just as soft, they even tasted exactly the same. Something sweet with a slight mixture of iron, Yutaka always having been one to bite his lips when worried, happy, or even sad. Yuu’s body was shaking. His grip on Yutaka was loosening, unable to keep hold due to trembling hands. But Yutaka’s grasp remained strong, twisting in his hair and bringing them closer, tongue slipping between Yuu’s lips and beginning to explore.
Yuu groaned, following Yutaka’s movements and allowing their tongues to tangle. He knew the right thing to do would be to push Yutaka away, but raw need easily out did what was right, Yuu’s body now eager to respond. All the times they’d been together had always been intense, but this languid, heated kiss outdid everything. Because now Yuu was certain Yutaka had missed him desperately all these years, was certain from this point forward that things would change drastically.
His trembling hands fell to Yutaka’s thighs, massaging lightly, and that’s when their heated contact came to an end. Yutaka practically ripped their lips apart, a thin string of saliva and their labored breathing proof that what had just happened wasn’t due to Yuu’s vivid imagination.
Yuu needed to understand what was going on more than anything, but he was too afraid to speak upon taking in Yutaka’s almost terrified features. He knew the brunette was just now taking in full what he’d just done, and Yuu was waiting for that crushing moment where Yutaka would up and run and he would never see him again. So he sat there with his hands still on the other’s thighs, wanting to remember every touch and feel, trying to control his breathing that was only worsening due to the rapid anxiety he felt building within.
“Yuu…” he began shutting down, readying himself for that deathly blow. Yutaka grabbed his shoulders and pushed him up, slowly rubbing the pads of his fingers under clenched shut eyes, silently begging Yuu to open them. “I—the last item in the box is mine…it’s a video.” Yuu was confused and curious, but still he couldn’t bring himself to look directly at the brunette, his soft voice wanting to be something he left untainted. “I’ve always planned to watch it with you and that’s obviously something we can’t do out here…so…” Yutaka paused, brushing his lips back against Yuu’s before whispering, “Come back to my hotel room with me?”
Yuu’s eyes shot open as soon as he no longer felt Yutaka’s touch, spying the other sat back on his haunches and giving him a smile that spoke so much more than his words. He didn’t know what to say, what to do, so he just sat there, watching as Yutaka stood and began gathering their items of reminisce back into the tin box. After that kiss, he knew following Yutaka back to his hotel room was the wrong choice. Yutaka had broken his heart and stomped on it repeatedly. He was married with a kid, had an entire life that Yuu was no longer a part of. They were practically strangers with nothing but a past…but that past drove their emotions strong and there was no doubt what would happen if they both stepped foot into that hotel room.
“You coming?” Yutaka asked innocently over his shoulder, the box stuffed away under his arm as he began walking back towards the soccer field that could be cut across to reach the parking lot.
Throwing all caution to the wind, deciding he’d let himself be happy even if only for this one night, Yuu stood. He allowed Yutaka to walk a few more meters in front of him, watching him step across the plush green. With an empty mind, he allowed all tension to leave his body, licking his lips and tasting the brunette, beginning to quickly cross the field.
When he reached the cross section that led either to the parking lot or the path to the city streets, he paused to heavily weigh his decisions. If he turned left, he would be walking away from it all, be able to live his life in the monotone silence he has all these years. But if he turned right…he would be walking into the future he’s always wanted. It would be short lived, possibly lasting only a few hours, but at least he’d finally get a taste of a decade’s worth of desire.
A blare echoed, breaking his train of thoughts and forcing Yuu to turn his head towards the right. There Yutaka stood, half way in his car, hand obviously on the horn. A light smile was there and he was practically begging Yuu with his mocha eyes to get in; a sense of desperation shining through his radiant expression.
And it was then Yuu’s decision was finally cemented.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he strode across the small barrier, finally making it to Yutaka’s car. They stared at one another seriously over the top before their lips quirked into smiles, each man taking their respective seats in the vehicle before silently driving off into the night.
next part
