bitetoall136: (RukiDarkLips)
[personal profile] bitetoall136
Title: Patient Pain in the Ass
Chapter: Oneshot
Author: [ profile] bite_to_all136
Genre: AU, Humor, Romance
Overall Warnings: Language
Rating: PG-13
Band(s): the GazettE
Pairings/Characters: Ruki and Uruha
Summary: Getting close with patients is something Ruki tries his best to avoid. Uruha is a special patient who won't let that be the case.
Notes: Requested by the lovely [ profile] kyoselflove <33
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, only the mediocre story line.

Patient Pain in the Ass

In Ruki’s line of work, getting close with his ‘regulars’ wasn’t necessarily a good thing. Getting close with them meant seeing them often, and more times than not, seeing a patient on a long term basis meant they were currently experiencing some of the worst pain of their entire lives, or there was no hope for them. It meant that in just a few months’ time, he would be seeing them for the last time after calling their time of death. Getting close to patients is something he tried to avoid. Because whether they were cured or passed on, either way, he had to let go and say good bye.

The past few months, however, there has been an exception to the usual rules, and that exception’s name was Uruha.

Uruha wasn’t someone Ruki considered a patient by any means. He was more along the lines of a pest. He came into the hospital when he wanted, left without ever being properly ‘diagnosed’, and caused Ruki’s blood pressure to rise to dangerously high levels.

He was an annoyance; someone Ruki wanted to get rid of for good. Yet, at the same time, he couldn’t ever get enough of him.

Which was why as Ruki clocked in for the day and grabbed his stack of patients’ folders off the desk, he couldn’t help but click his tongue and smile. There was a folder at the top of the stack with the same thickness as one of the medical dictionaries lined neatly on his bookshelf. Without even needing to look at the patient’s name on the tab, he knew whose file it was.

It was Uruha’s.

Wasting only a single second, he peeked into the folder and scanned over the top sheet long enough to figure out Uruha’s room number, before proceeding to walk out of his office door and towards the emergency room unit.

“What it is now, Uruha?” He spoke up with a dull voice upon walking into room 303. Uruha sat atop the high rise bed, looking beyond content as he held the remote that controlled the bed in on hand, slowly adjusting it so that the head and foot of the bed would rise simultaneously and make an Uruha sandwich out of him. Ruki approached the bed and snatched the controller away from the tall man, “Stop that.” And then adjusted the levels of the bed so the patient in front of him sat perfectly up right. “Now, you have five seconds to tell me why it is you’re here this time.”

Uruha hummed to himself and his golden eyes shifted from side to side, his tongue edging into the center of his cheek, making it appear swollen, as he tapped his chin in concentration. Ruki knew Uruha was trying to get under his skin already, but he wouldn’t let him. Instead, he focused on scanning over the man’s long, willowy arms and legs. Because even if Uruha was annoying to deal with, that didn’t mean he wasn’t nice to look at.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m here to try and get some more of those amazing drugs off of you, Doc.”

Ruki bit back a smile at Uruha’s morbid sense of humor. There have been many nurses on the floor who have accused Uruha of doing just that based on the excess number times he’s come to the hospital in the last year alone. Of coming to the ER, pretending to be injured, just so he could get written a prescription for some mild pain killers. It was on ongoing joke between the two of them, and Ruki was always more than ready to play into it. “Oh, you mean the ones I gave you last time weren’t enough to knock you out cold? Because that was kind of the intention.”

Uruha laughed something deep in response, holding up a single hand and pointing at himself. “I’m a tall dude, Doc. You’re going to have to give me something a hell of a lot stronger than that if you wanna get rid of me for good.”

“Hmm,” Ruki hummed, “maybe I should just prescribe you some rat poison then, huh?”

“That would definitely do the trick, but I know you love our little monthly visits too much-”

“Monthly?” He raised a perfectly shaped brow, “Try more like weekly.”

Uruha rolled his eyes at Ruki’s interruption and laid back in bed, staring up at the ceiling, “Are you actually going to be a doctor and look me over or what? I’m seriously injured this time, look.” He held up his left hand, showing that it appeared cramped up, his fingers unable to move from their curled up position. “See? My hand has been stuck like this all night.”

Stepping closer, Ruki gently took Uruha’s ‘injured’ hand into his own, scrunching up his face as he looked everything over in complete concentration, “How did you manage to do this, hmm? Masturbating too much again?”

Uruha tsked before beginning to give a nondescript explanation, “I had a friend over for a video game marathon. The new Monster Hunter series came out last week. Must I explain anything more?”

“Ahh,” Ruki replied, pressing his thumb into the center of Uruha’s palm, making the taller man grunt a bit, “and by friend you mean?”

“Ohhh, I see…”

“You see what?” Ruki asked, honestly confused by Uruha’s retort.

Uruha’s face was suddenly centimeters away from Ruki’s own, the only reason their noses hadn’t collided together being Ruki’s body had acted on instinct and stepped away when Uruha lunged forward. The corners of Uruha’s mouth lifted and he adapted a haughty attitude, the tip of his tongue popping out and gliding over his bottom lip before whispering, “Tell me, Doc. Why do you care to know if this person is more than just a mere friend?”

The unappealing haughtiness that oozed from Uruha like guts from a smashed bug made Ruki tense up and his brows furrow. His thumb dug deeper and harder into Uruha’s palm, applying so much pressure that Uruha’s usually pale skin was beginning to turn a shade of purple. “I. don’t.” He growled, only to then swiftly grab Uruha’s fingers and unfold them, making the man hiss in pain and throw his head back.

“Dude! What the f-”

“But you’re all fixed now,” Ruki continued as if he hadn’t just caused Uruha some potentially excruciating pain, “I’ll write you a prescription for some muscle relaxants and you should be good as new in no time. And remember, next time I see you, you better really be hurt.” Taking off his latex gloves and tossing them into the bin, Ruki began to exit the room. He managed to get one foot out the door before looking back over his shoulder at Uruha, watching as the tall man pursed his lips and pouted, curling and uncurling his fingers, “Oh, and Uruha? Lay off the damn video games. They’re not good for your hands or your rapidly deteriorating brain cells.”

With a quick smirk, Ruki left the room, picking up his stack of folders and continuing on with his day.


It was another full month before Ruki stepped into a room and was greeted with Uruha’s haughty attitude. A full month – the longest he has gone without seeing the other in over a year. A full month, and when he stepped into the room, he was shocked to see more of Uruha than he has ever seen before.

His lanky frame was thrown over the bed belly down, and he was, for once, wearing the appropriate hospital gown. With the position he was in, he could’ve easily covered himself up with the blanket that was dangling close to the edge of the bed, but instead he allowed the slit in the back of the gown to show off his entire backside. Something Ruki had to admit he was both disgusted with and pleasantly surprised to see.

“Do I even want to know why I’m being exposed to your crusty ass first thing in the morning?”

Uruha looked over his shoulder, smiling with nonchalance at Ruki. “It’s good to see you too, Doc. Been way too long.” He adjusted himself, propping himself up on his elbows, getting a better view of the shorter man.

Ruki didn’t miss for even a second how Uruha’s new position elevated his ass just slightly, giving it a bit of lift. He knows Uruha probably hadn’t showered in weeks and has been doing nothing but sitting in front of his television rotting his brains out with excessive television and video games, but still, even he had to admit Uruha had a nice ass. It wasn’t perky and it wasn’t full. It was just…nice. Very fuckable.

Sitting down on the stool next to the bed, Ruki slid on a pair of gloves and sighed, crossing his legs and sending Uruha a pointed look. “So, answer me. Why the dirty ass exposure first thing in the AM?”

Uruha simply shrugged, still smiling, “Why don’t you be a real doctor for once and actually look over my file.”

“Because, when it comes to you, it’s easier to actually hear your bullshit first hand instead of having to read it.”

“You just like the sound of my voice, don’t cha, Doc?” Uruha retorted, wiggling his brows.

Giving up on getting anything useful out of his patient, Ruki rolled his eyes and opened the folder, looking it over and feeling his brows raise with each word processed. “Please tell me I’m not going to find some goddamn hamster shoved up your ass. That’s too much to take in on only 3 hours of sleep.”

Uruha laughed hard enough that it echoed all throughout the room, Ruki watching his patient’s entire body wiggle and move with each passing second. The way his Adam’s apple bobbed, the way his nose and forehead crinkled. And most importantly, the way his ass didn’t move at all. It might’ve not been the roundest ass, but still. The stern features it gave off made Ruki want to smack it.

Definitely a nice ass.

Once his laughing fit had died down, Uruha rested his head flat on the bed, his gaze barely able to meet Ruki’s now. “What kind of sick pervert do you think I am, Doc? It’s nothing like that, promise. I just, y’know, may have gone a little too hard on myself last night and I want to make sure this bleeding is okay and that I didn’t somehow magically fuck up my internal organs or something.”

“A little too hard…on yourself? You mean-”

“Yes, Doc. I mean the real cause of my pain this time really is masturbation. Think you can fix me up?”

Ruki simply continued to stare, making Uruha sigh and rolls his eyes.

“Stop looking at me like that. Everyone masturbates. I just happen to do it with a eight-inch dildo.”

Ruki put down Uruha’s file and leaned in close, shaking his head, “You know, if you would learn to listen and not cut people off, you would know that I don’t care about what size dildo you shove up your ass. Before you so rudely cut me off, I was just trying to ask if…you know, swung for the other team.”

Uruha slowly propped himself up on his elbows again, staring at Ruki in confusion, “Umm, isn’t it kind of obvious? I mean, most people make that judgement themselves.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not most people.” Ruki slid his stool towards the foot of the bed, beginning to poke and prod around Uruha’s back side in order to properly examine it.

Uruha shivered as Ruki’s gloved fingers moved against his warm skin, shutting his eyes and trying to relax, attempting to keep his voice level. “Well, I have to say, Doc. If you couldn’t make the assumption that I was gay, your gaydar is seriously off.”

All the prodding Ruki was doing came to a sudden stop, and he lifted his head just enough so Uruha could see him from the head of the bed. “What makes you think I’m gay?”

Uruha smiled that cocky, knowing smile. “Because, Doc. Unlike you, I am most people. I make assumptions all the time and nine times out of ten, I’m right. That, and well, I totally saw you checking out my ass when you first walked into the room.”

Rolling away from the bed in the slightest, Ruki’s eyes continued to meet Uruha’s golden ones, able to see the cattiness dancing throughout them even from this distance. They stared and stared; Uruha cocky while Ruki trying his hardest to appear intimating. But it wasn’t enough to make either of them budge, and soon Ruki had to break the silence, “I’m not insulted by the fact you just called me gay, but I am insulted that you think I would check out your foul ass. I actually have this thing called standards.”

“Your standards must be pretty low then, because I know you want me. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have stuck your fingers up my ass so willingly.”

“It’s called doing my job-”

“You could’ve easily had a nurse come in and do this part. Just admit it, you wanted your hands on my ass.”

Ruki stood up in a heartbeat, tearing off his gloves and tossing them at Uruha’s head, “I don’t have to fucking deal with this.”

“Admit it~.” Uruha chuckled, rolling over onto his back and slowly pushing himself into an upright position, “You want my ass, or else you would’ve had me banned from this hospital a long ass time ago.”

Freezing in his steps with his back turned towards Uruha, Ruki felt every muscle in his back tense up. He forced himself to take deep breaths, to calm himself before he ended up decking a patient right in the face.

He didn’t like to be proven wrong.

Eventually, his fingers uncurled from fists and he was able to turn and face Uruha, forcing a feign smile as he gathered Uruha’s file in hand again and began scribbling something down. “A nurse will be in here in a few minutes. She’ll give you instructions to follow for your procedure tomorrow.”


“Yes, procedure. Something just seemed…off to me while I was up there, so I have you scheduled for a colonoscopy first thing tomorrow morning. You seem to love shoving things up your ass, so this should be like a trip to an amusement park for you. Have fun~.”

With a smirk and a wave of the hand Ruki walked off, swearing to himself he would never forget that baffled look on Uruha’s face.

Or that image of his naked ass.


Ruki saw Uruha the day after his unnecessary scheduled procedure. Not surprisingly, an argument had occurred between the two of them and Uruha had sworn on his life that Ruki would never see him again after today.

The seriousness that had laced his patient’s words had made Ruki believe Uruha had actually been telling the truth. That maybe his sporadic visits to the ER would finally stop. That maybe he would never see him again.

It was a thought that plagued Ruki’s thoughts for the next week, but it was for one week and one week only. For the following Monday morning, Ruki followed his usual schedule and walked into his office, seeing that fat folder atop the stack on his desk.

He proceeded to the allotted room number, and the moment he entered the door he wasn’t met with one of Uruha’s unusually usual greetings. Instead Uruha was sitting on the bed, his arms crossed over his chest, and a scowl that could kill across his lips.

“What are you doing here? I told the nurse I wanted to see Doctor Uke, not you.”

Ruki shrugged his shoulders and sat down across from Uruha, crossing his legs, “Doctor Uke had a family emergency and had to leave early. I’m taking over his patients for the day.”

“Great,” Uruha grumbled, beginning to gather all his belongings, “Fucking great.”

He jumped off the table, still muttering under his breath, and as he began heading for the door Ruki grabbed hold of his wrist and tugged, pulling Uruha to a stop. “Where do you think you’re going, hmm? I read your file and it says you’ve been experiencing chest pains. Is that true, or were you just trying to start a relationship with Doctor Uke like you have with me?”

Uruha grumbled some more, tugging his hand away from Ruki and re-crossing his arms over his chest, “What relationship do I have with you? Last time I spoke with you; you did something unforgivable to me. I-”

“Stop being such a damn drama queen. It was only a colonoscopy. You were going to need one at some point or another in your life. Be grateful you got it done with early.”

Uruha huffed, rolling his eyes and staring up at the ceiling, “Say what you want but it was still cruel and I can never forgive you.”

“Never?” Ruki smirked, taking a step closer to Uruha and nudging him with his shoulder, “Not even if I apologize?”

“Nope. Never.” Uruha seemed defiant, as if his answer could never be changed. But Ruki was certain he had a way to break him.

“What if I apologize and offer to take you out to dinner, hmm? Will that make things better between us?”

Uruha’s face lit up and it was in the moment Ruki realized he had been played. Uruha planned this from the beginning. “Only if you let me pick the restaurant.”

“Deal.” Ruki agreed fast, not wanting to allow Uruha the time to tack on more requirements. “Now, about those chest pains…”

“I don’t really think they were chest pains, to be honest.” Uruha smiled, adjusting his bag on his shoulder and tucking some loose hairs behind his ears, “Or I don’t think they were real, at least. Probably something like those phantom pains, y’know? Was kind of hurt by what someone did to me, and I think that resulted in my chest hurting.”

“…You mean, kind of like a…broken heart?”

“I don’t know, maybe.” Uruha replied nonchalantly, “Or maybe it was just heart burn. Guess I’ll never know now. But thanks, Doc. The pain’s gone now and I think that’s all thanks to you.”

“Wait, so…that’s it? The pain just magically disappeared?”

“Yep. I guess knowing I’m going to be eating dinner at one of the nicest restaurants in all of Tokyo tonight just cured all my problems.” Uruha gave his appearance one final check in the reflection of the television before turning to Ruki and placing a peck on his cheek. “My address is in my folder, pick me up at 8 tonight.”


“This is what you consider to be one of the nicest restaurants in Tokyo?” Ruki sounded weary as he stepped through the front entrance of the restaurant of Uruha’s choice. His eyes scanned their surroundings, and although the place wasn’t what he would categorize as bad, it definitely wasn’t what he had been expecting.

There was more of a traditional setting; low ride tables and pillows in place of chairs, dim lanterns lighting each table, and a combination of festive cooking and incense providing the small building with a nostalgic feel that made Ruki think back to his childhood.

It was a restaurant that he knew he could walk out of with barely making a dent in his wallet – something he thought wouldn’t be the case given Uruha’s earlier statement.

Uruha shrugged as he made his way to the single table in the back, speaking up loud enough for only Ruki to hear him over his shoulder, “Hey, it’s close to my place and the food is amazing, so yeah, definitely one of the nicest restaurants in Tokyo. At least in my books.”

Ruki sat down on the cushion across from Uruha, raising his brows, “You could’ve chosen any restaurant you wanted, why somewhere you go regularly?”

Looking up from his menu, Uruha flashed Ruki a subtle smile. It was subtle, but enough to make a fraction of one appear on his lips as well. “You may have noticed I’m a creature of habit, Doc. Once I find something I like, I keep coming back for more. Food, video games-”

“People?” Ruki interrupted, a smug grin now arched on full lips.

Uruha hid a smile and lifted his glass of water, swirling it around as if it were fine wine before taking a sip and shrugging, “Now, what would ever make you say that, Doc? You think I get hooked on people like I do my video games?”

“I would think the hundreds of visits you’ve paid me for no apparent reason over the past year and a half would prove just that, Uruha.”

Uruha grinned in response, before adding, “Touché, Doc. Touché.”

Dinner flashed by in next to no time, and before Ruki knew it, he was walking Uruha to his door. It felt almost odd to him that he had actually enjoyed himself at the restaurant. Odd, but not odd at the same time, because Uruha’s presence always allowed him to feel some enjoyment. He as just surprised at how enunciated that joy was once they were outside of the hospital setting.

“Sooo…” Uruha trailed off once they stood outside his door, “You want to come in for a drink or something?”

Ruki smiled, leaning against Uruha’s door with him and accidentally brushing their knuckles together, “Tell me, do you actually have something to drink inside your apartment that isn’t a three-day old open beer can with a cigarette floating at the top of it?”

Uruha tilted his head to the side, seeming to think on his answer before shaking his head and rubbing at the back of his neck, “Umm, no, not really. Not unless you want water, that is.”

“I would say yes to the water, but I know you don’t have any clean glasses in there, either.”

“What about stale chips? You want some stale chips?”

“Depends, do the stale chips come with moldy guacamole?”

“Okay, you know I’m just trying to get you into my apartment so you can fuck me, right?”

“Who says I wanna fuck you?”

“Your eyes. You can always tell by the look in someone’s eyes what they’re thinking.”

“Oh yeah? Then what am I thinking right now?”

“That you want to fuck me.”

“Actually, no. I was thinking about doing this.”

Without warning, Ruki stood up straight and wrapped his arms around Uruha’s neck, dragging him down with force and meshing their lips together. Their foreheads clinked together in the worst of ways, both of them groaning painfully into the kiss before mouths opened and tongues took over; those groans of agony soon morphing into pleas and whimpers of pleasure. Ruki’s hands traveled down Uruha’s back, caressing every inch he could, inspecting him in the one way he hadn’t had the chance to so far. The kiss grew heated, Uruha leaning closer, resting his hands on Ruki’s hips and trying to make the most out of this heated interaction he could.

Ruki had to chuckle at that. As well as he knew Uruha, Uruha apparently know him equally as well. He was trying to make the most out of this kiss, because he knew this was all Ruki had planned for the night. He was trying to tempt him, lure him in and give him no way out. But instead, Ruki merely broke the kiss, pulling away from Uruha with a smile, “There.” He spoke up, voice raw as he patted the side of Uruha’s face and rubbed his thumb over the newly forming bump on his forehead, “Now you have an actual reason to come and see me tomorrow.”

After the initial shock of Ruki abruptly breaking such an intense kiss, after forcing his swollen lips to shift from the ‘O’ shape they were in and into a mass grin, Uruha bopped the twin bump on Ruki’s head as well, “Maybe I can actually help take care of your wounds this time, eh?”

“Maybe.” Ruki whispered, pressing a kiss to the corner of Uruha’s mouth and turning to leave, “See you tomorrow, Uruha.”

“See ya, Doc. I’ll be there first thing in the morning.”

Looking over his shoulder and giving Uruha one last look over, Ruki had a strange feeling take over him. It was impossible to describe exactly what it was, but somehow, at that moment, that simple glance he and Uruha had to offer each other explained so much.

It proved that this last year and a half had been leading up to this very moment.

It proved that this last year and a half existed to prepare them for this; for the very beginning of things to come.

“I know you will.” Ruki said quietly before walking away, already anticipating Uruha’s visit the next morning.


Author's Note: Yaaaay, first request finished <33 I know, I know, kind of rusty, but I'm trying to get back in the swing of things again, okay?? [ profile] kyoselflove, as long as you kind of enjoyed it, I'm more than happy lol. Sorry, I know I didn't exactly go off the prompt you provided, but I guess my brain didn't wanna go the direct route? I dunno -___-

Anyways, I tried to experiment a bit with my writing style here, so comments and criticism are always welcome <33 I'm doing the requests in order, sooo...I guess up next will be some Aoita? Reitoi? I don't even know the pairing name lol.

Bye for now! <3
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